Thursday, February 4, 2010

three weeks old...and totally edible!!!

seriously... i could just eat him up!!! Mr Landon is three weeks old today. It is seriously going way to fast. I can tell that he is getting so much bigger..... I am so madly in love!!

Friday, January 29, 2010

where does the heart find room.....

OK. So all the fears that ran through my brain while I was pregnant about the hearts capacity to just keep loving each new child with the same amazing love I feel for my first two kiddos have been put to rest. I had an even bigger fear that if I had a boy I would feel "differently". Not that I would not love the kid to death just that it would be different. I know what girls are all about. I grew up with them...lots of them. I have brought two of them into the world. I know what to expect when you open a girl diaper... not so much with a boy. I know NOTHING about boys. So I had a fear that I would not know how to care for one if the Lord so chose to give me one!

BOY oh BOY (no pun intended!) was I wrong. I hate to put this in writing as I am sure that one day one of my kids will use it against me.... BUT I fell in love, ....mad crazy love with this boy the second Dr. Martin handed him to me! It felt so right. It was instant and I knew that my life would never be the same. Now let me clarify... I LOVED my girls to death. After Madison and Olivia were born I kissed them, held them for a few minutes and then passed them around to all the family waiting to see them. Maybe it was the fact that I had been in labor for 2 days and I was starving and exhausted... maybe it was the dramatic pregnancies and stressful last months. With Landon the pregnancy was great. The birth was only one day and not as exhausting. After he was born the doctor and nurse let us have him for 20 minutes before they even touched him. A luxury that I did no have with two previous high risk births. Because of the H1N1 there are no visitors allowed at the hospital under 13 so Jed and I were not scurrying to bring siblings in to do introductions. It was just the proud papa, a momma that felt really great, a nurse that we adored and even took pictures for us and a doctor that is indeed our doctor but more importantly a dear friend. Just the 4 of us and this precious new and perfect little man. It was amazing.

So for all of you that do not know...we had a little boy. Landon Jedediah Smith born on January 14th at 9:51 PM. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 inches long. He has a beautiful head of dark hair and the most beautiful complexion! ( I think it is because I drank diet coke with this pregnancy! He is good and preserved!)

The girls adore him. I can not tell you how blessed I am. I still pinch myself when in the morning the girls run in and get on my bed and talk and coo and love on their baby brother. I have three beautiful healthy kids. Two days after he was born they met him for the first time... they were so excited! It was great to watch them. They want to do everything for him. Within in the first 5 hours of being home I knew that if I did not set some ground work for how we decided whose "turn" it was to hold, feed, smoother him I would go crazy! At about 8 o'clock that first night home they were arguing about who had him first last time.... I let them know that we were not always going to be able to remember and that we needed to just relax and know that we all get lots of turns. They both chimed in with the famous "but mom, Maddie..." I told them that they had three minutes to figure out who was going o hold him first and that when I came back if they had not agreed on something no one would be holding him. I walked out of the living room and stood in the kitchen where I could see their reflections in the window. I was curious how the deliberation would go. After about a minute of going back and forth with no resolve I heard Madison say... "then were gonna have to do paper, rock, scissors!". And so the new routine of picking who goes first was put in place!

We are adjusting well to the new routine or lack of one! I am loving having an infant in the house. My favorite stage of babies is the new, newborn stage. I know a lot of people do not like this stage but I absolutely would push a pause button if there was one and just live in this moment for a few months. In the moment where they are tiny, their legs still pull into their chest when you pick them up. The stage when they began to open their eyes and just gaze around trying to take in all that is so new. The stage when they smell so good....when their neck beg to be kissed and they sleep all swaddled up making those precious newborn sounds. The stage when their fingers find one of yours and they hold on for dear life! The stage when they fit so perfectly on your shoulder. Every day as Landon get visibly bigger I get a little sad. When he goes from barely getting 1 ounce down at a feeding to just two weeks later guzzling 3 ounces down I feel a twinge of sadness because this time goes way to fast. Too fast for my liking. I think that this time around it is even harder because I wonder if this will be the last time I have "this". Will there be another baby in our future! I think yes.... maybe by thinking that it allows me to enjoy Landon more because if I KNEW that this was it for me and newborns I would be to sad that I miss out on just loving on him.

I had an epiphany the other night. I was looking down at a ring that my sister bought me three years ago when I received the promotion to Regional Vice President with Arbonne and got my Mercedes. It is a beautiful Sapphire and diamond ring. I wear it all he time. However, the other night I looked down and had an "ah ha moment"! The ring has SIX beautiful Sapphire's! You get where I am going right..... is i a coincidence? I think NOT! I think that it means that we should be a family of six. I shared this moment with Jed and he told me he would be happy to take the ring to the jewelers and have a stone removed,.... heartless, I know. So we will just enjoy this moment...while it IS here!

But for now life could not be any sweeter. I would not trade anything....

My darling dotting girls that adore their brother and are so helpful (that by the way I bonded with them in the same way I did with Landon it just took a few hours! And once I ate some teddy grahams and took a nap I was much more open to the whole being a mom thing!)

My husband who is giddy with excitement over his "buddy". He is so helpful and is just the perfect balance to my somewhat neurotic ways!

My precious little boy who proved that no matter your experience or comfort level when you are given a blessing so great as a child the heart just simply finds room to love in a way that you never thought or dreamed possible...even though I am still slightly startled every time I change his diaper!

Thank you Lord for this crazy blessed life that you have given me!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

emotional rollercoaster....

Ok.... almost 39 weeks pregnant... something I have never been before! I never thought that I would make it this far. How thankful we are that this pregnancy has been NORMAL! The odds were against us but God had different plans! I am so emotionally unsure of what I want....stay pregnant, deliver TODAY? I am feeling pretty good physically. I have the normal aches and pains... sore legs, heartburn, pressure but nothing unbearable. I am not nearly as uncomfortable as I thought I would be this far along. So I am not miserable enough for labor to be appealing...yet! Since this is the third bambino I am also all to aware of what comes AFTER the baby is born.... sleepless nights, rolls of blubber where there once was a cute rounded attractive belly, hormones galore.... so I am stuck somewhere between being so ready to meet his sweet precious baby that has been growing in my belly for the last 39 weeks and being content to just sit here pregnant!

Having had planned deliveries with Madison and Olivia the anxiety is a little higher this time around. I have never "gone into labor" on my own so every new twinge or cramp... I start to panic! It will be interesting to see how it all goes this time around. I would LOVE to go into labor on my own. My Dr has said that this labor will be fast! The baby is super LOW and I am ready to go....said that labor start to finish will probably be 4-6 hours total. Alot more appealing then the last two that were 24-48 hours... We had hoped to go to Chicago this weekend if I had not delivered yet to visit some friends. I thought that I should call Keith just to make sure that it was ok and that if I would go into labor that I would make it home the 2 hours... he called back and said that it was a "horrible idea unless I was hoping my kid has a Dupage County birth certificate"! Bummed that I can not go to Chicago but thrilled that he really does think this will be fast!

So day by day..... today I will reclean the already clean house.... reorganize the clothes in the closet, look for things to do so that I feel "ready"! Stay tuned we are days away!!!

most of these pictures were taken by a good friend Liz Foley who is just starting her photography business.... she is very taented!!! Glad to have this pregnancy documented as it could be the last....

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Tooth Fairy

Today we were greeted at the door by our sweet little girlies. What a great way to return from a night away! They were both so excited to see us! Madison was jumping up and down holding a bloody paper towel and a cup!!! Inside was a tooth! She had lost her 6th one!

She was thrilled that she would hold the title for the first tooth lost in the month of December in her class.... a big deal for a 1s grader! She also immediately was asking where the tooth fairy pillow was so that she could get it all ready!

I told her that I would look for it in a few minutes and asked her to put the cup with the tooth on the kitchen counter. A few hours passed and I cleaned the kitchen and of course you know how this part of the story goes... I totally forgot that the paper cup on the counter was holding a precious possession and apparently washed it down the sink. Madison was extremely calm about it all and assured me that a note to the tooth fairy in the pillow would be fine. Remember this is the same girl whose mom knocked her tooth out in the middle of the night at the hospital last summer and then had an xray that proved the tooth was indeed in the belly....she has experience with teeth mishaps and her and the tooth fairy seem to be in good standings on minor complications with mothers who knock out and trow away teeth!

A few months back when Madison lost a tooth Olivia expressed great concern about her fear of the tooth fairy. Her exact words were "that tooth fairy freaks me out"! We seemed to have worked through it and she calmed down after I reassured her that all was fine!

Today I was paying close attention to see if amongst all the tooth fairy talk the fear of the freaky tooth fairy would be brought up by Miss O. It never came up so I believed that maybe it was a thing of the past.

At nine o'clock after a few hours of playing games by the fire and having a great night with the family we headed upstairs...Maddie bounced into bed so excited to fall asleep... I went and got the tooth pillow, some paper and a pen and sat on her bed and wrote the note...

" Dear Tooth Fairy,

Madison lost another tooth today! It was a big one! We had it in a cup getting it all clean for you and I accidentally threw it away while cleaning the kitchen. Please leave Madison her surprise as this is my fault. You can look in her mouth and see that she indeed has lost another tooth! Thank you so much for your understanding. Sincerely, Nikki Smith ( Madison's Mom)"

As I wrote the letter Madison was looking over my shoulder reading it out loud. I noticed that the more I wrote the tighter Olivia held on to my arm. When we were done we folded up the letter and placed it in the pillow pocket. Madison snuggled in and was ready to go to sleep. It was then that I realized Olivia's little body was trembling. I walked her to her bed and she grabbed on to me and said "please don't make me sleep in here!" Madison told her that she could sleep in her bed with her but I knew that was never gonna fly... that would put her IN THE BED that that the freaky tooth fairy was looking for.

As I sat and tried to calm Olivia down she would ask her sister questions...."Madison, do you feel it when she lifts your pillow?". "Can you feel it when she walks around on your bed?" "What if you open your eyes when she is on your it freaky?"

After a few minutes she looked at me and said " mom, please let me sleep in your bed". I agreed and felt horrible that she was so scared. I tucked her in our bed but could see that she was still so afraid. I did not feel I could leave her like that so I crawled in bed next to her. I snuggled her up and said that I would lay there with her. I could instantly feel her body relax.... Just as I would think she was asleep a sweet hardly audible voice would ask yet another question.... "mom, how small is she.. is she like this big?" her little fingers would give me the size that she was referring to. I told her she was tiny like Tinkerbell.... "How does she get in our house?"

A few minutes later... "Are you sure it is a girl or is it maybe a boy?". A few more minutes and then my favorite question.. "Do you think she will try to fly up my nose?" - "Can you get out of bed and close your door so that she does not come in here?"

As she was almost asleep she quietly said... "When I lose a tooth I do not want any money. I do not want her to come here anymore" I told her that since the tooth fairy is just looking for the tooth pillow that we could certainly hang it on the front door that way she would never have to come in the house. She nodded her head and agreed with that idea. I ran my fingers through her hair a few more times sure that she was just about asleep.... As I started to get out of bed she said in the same small sleepy voice -" Mom, I don't believe you that she is tiny." I crawled right next her and asked why she would say that. Without opening her eyes she said "Because that note that you wrote her was way to big for her to read if she really is as small as Tinkerbell!". I had to hold back laughter. I assured her that she was safe and that I would be with her.... she never said another word and she drifted off to sleep.

Dear Lord what is a mother to do.... leave the 4 year old trembling thinking about the Freaky Tooth Fairy...probably resulting in needing therapy as an adult OR destroy the dreams of a 7 year old who right now is sleeping, fully expecting a trail of fairy dust from the window to her bed that the tooth fairy left just for her... along with a few dollars.

Speaking of a few dollars.. I gotta run. Not sure I have any cash.

Oh the joys of parenting!!! Never a dull moment!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

didn't get a thing done today.....

I totally am having those days where at the end of the night you are EXHAUSTED but feel like you got nothing done.... I was in the shower, at 5PM, discouraged about just that...getting nothing done. I started trying to run down the list of what I did all day so I could figure out why I never get things crossed off my list... there are piles everywhere, dishes in the sink.....

*I got up at 7 after not sleeping AGAIN, even with the sleeping pills.
*Got two kids up
*Got them both dressed
*Fed them both
*Packed 2 backpack
*Packed one lunch
*Found 4 shoes
*Found Frog costume since Olivia was sick and missed Noahs Ark day last week
*Took pictures of said frog outside
*Drove both girls to school
*Made breakfast
*Did 2 loads of laundry
*Did dinner dishes from last night
*Checked email
*Cleaned living room enough so I could sit on the couch and eat cold breakfast I had made half hour earlier
*Watched 10 minutes of TV
*Paid bills
*Got to school to do room mom duties at pick up time
*Went to courthouse with crying child to make sure my husband does not get arrested on Nov 16th for subpoena that was issued yesterday (that's another blog entry!)
*Got all the way to the courthouse door and was told I could not bring my cell phone in....walked all the way back to car to THROW phone in the front seat.
*Went back to courthouse
*Gave proof of immunizations for our freakin dog to lady so husband does not get arrested
*Explained to still crying child why we WERE NOT asking the guy at the desk for a sucker (the answer... I was pissed off he made me walk back to the car with my phone and crying child)
*Went to vet to get money back for overcharge on immunizations
*Sneezed and peed... my pants
*Went to post office
*Return carpet samples
*Got groceries
*Kept my cool while Olivias hid in every available location at grocery store
*Went to bank
*Unloaded car
*Started wash as I only have one pair of maternity jeans and they had been peed in.... its not funny!
*Made lunch for me and my child
*Helped Olivia with crafts
*Got homework ready and sorted
*Called loan officer to see why the refinance is taking so long
*Paid speeding ticket online (self induced, you do not have to feel bad about this one!)
*Started load of dark socks so my husbands shoes do not crawl off tomorrow
*Coddled an Arbonne client
*Mailed check to same client
*Cleaned buckets for Arbonne party tonight
*Loaded car for party
*Picked up Madison from school
*Was informed she had a "pee infection"
*Called doctor
*Wondered if maybe I have a pee infection
*Remembered I was 30 weeks pregnant ( had forgot all day!)
*Started homework
*Had to explain why all the homework was going to be done again because it was so messy
*Got in a "fight" with a loan officer over the phone about car loan
*Did dishes while arguing with loan officer Called father-in-law to verify that the loan officer was smoking crack and I was right
*Was assured of crack smoking being done by loan officer by wise father-in-law
*Ordered school pictures online
*Picked laminae and tiles for a non paying design job
*Called to find a place to hold a moms night out for MOPS( I think the bar is the best answer!)
*Saw husband arrive
*Husband side swiped by stories of "pee infections" and nasty foods
*Took shower
*Helped Olivia memorize her Awana verse while I was in the shower.
*Signed awana book with eyeliner
*Started dinner
*Tried to update husband on all activities for the night while stirring food and holding up to small towel around huge belly
*Worried about cars driving by that could see me in the front window, stressed and barley covered.
*Decided if they did see it they would never look in my windows again when they drove by
*Finished getting ready
*Swallowed Dinner
*Took TUMS
*Went to Arbonne party
*Realized I forgot to put Mascara on when getting ready
*About died when I remembered taking to woman about how great the mascara is.
*Wondered why she bought the mascara when my eyelashes are not even visible tonight.
*Packed lunches for tomorrow
*Remembered no one was going to school tomorrow
*Ran throw tomorrow with hubby as he brushed his teeth
*Called room mom about Halloween Party
*Went and kissed kids in bed
*Blogged about not understanding why I can not get anything done.

If you can figure out how I am not managing my time well PLEASE let me know. I think I am going to have to cut out peeing and eating!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Breathe Life... Not Death

Wow.... A bible study by Sharon Jaynes has been one of great conviction! I was informed of the topic selected for the MOPS bible study and knew that it was one that I could benefit from! The power of words..uuggh.

Today was a great study. First and foremost the woman (all 24! of them) that are in the group are fabulous and the leader is an amazing woman of God! This week we just kinda got started. Started digging in to what the "power of the tongue" means! The verse that we started with was Proverbs 18:21 "death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Life and Death? That seems so harsh, so extreme.

We came to the conclusion that it can truly be life and death. Words can be just encouraging enough that they can literally breathe life into someone that was at the point that they were ready to end life. Words could also breathe death into someone. They can be the breaking point for someone that can take no more. No more hurt, no more picking, no more hatred.

There is also the more daily "life and death". The life that we breathe into our kids and husbands when we encourage them, tell them we believe in them or give them courage to go for it! The encouragement that comes from saying... "I love you", "I am proud of you" or "I believe in you".

Life breathed.

Then there is the other...." you'll never be good at soccer", "I told you to listen.... you never listen", "you are making me crazy", "why are you always late, you don't even care about me".....

Death breathed.

The more we dug the more we started looking at what power really means. Strength. Control. Some had good emotions tied to power. Others no so great. Then this definition was brought up.... Sway of influence. Wow. That one really hit me. I looked down at the cover of my book and replaces the word power... " The sway and influence of a woman's words". It took on a whole new meaning when I saw it with just a different set of words.

The sway & influence to breath life or death to those around us.

I think moms are given the greatest chance to exercise just that as we are with those we love the most all day. It is said that it is easiest to hurt those we love the most. So all day we have opportunities to chose life or death with our words. I have never thought of it like this before.

There are countless stories of great people that have accomplished amazing things that trace their complete success back to words that spoke life into them. Maybe by a parent, maybe by a teacher. Then there are the stories of those that can not move past failure or hurt. Most of them will tell you that ever since they were small they were filled with words of doubt, worthlessness.... really words of death.

I am going to be much slower to speak this week as I examine every word that comes out of my mouth. Especially to those who I love the most. I am committing to speak LIFE into my children and husband. To not allow the words of death.

Want to take the challenge with me? Speak only words of life this week and see what happens to the atmosphere of your home... I am not saying do not discipline, do not direct. Just do in a way that breaths life into your child's or husbands heart.

Dear God... give me strength!