finding joy in the journey

a few favoite photos of the last few weeks!

2010-04-13T08:50:00.002-05:00

three weeks old...and totally edible!!!

2010-02-04T09:09:00.003-06:00

seriously... i could just eat him up!!! Mr Landon is three weeks old today. It is seriously going way to fast. I can tell that he is getting so much bigger..... I am so madly in love!!

where does the heart find room.....

2010-01-29T10:25:00.009-06:00

OK. So all the fears that ran through my brain while I was pregnant about the hearts capacity to just keep loving each new child with the same amazing love I feel for my first two kiddos have been put to rest. I had an even bigger fear that if I had a boy I would feel "differently". Not that I would not love the kid to death just that it would be different. I know what girls are all about. I grew up with them...lots of them. I have brought two of them into the world. I know what to expect when you open a girl diaper... not so much with a boy. I know NOTHING about boys. So I had a fear that I would not know how to care for one if the Lord so chose to give me one!

BOY oh BOY (no pun intended!) was I wrong. I hate to put this in writing as I am sure that one day one of my kids will use it against me.... BUT I fell in love, ....mad crazy love with this boy the second Dr. Martin handed him to me! It felt so right. It was instant and I knew that my life would never be the same. Now let me clarify... I LOVED my girls to death. After Madison and Olivia were born I kissed them, held them for a few minutes and then passed them around to all the family waiting to see them. Maybe it was the fact that I had been in labor for 2 days and I was starving and exhausted... maybe it was the dramatic pregnancies and stressful last months. With Landon the pregnancy was great. The birth was only one day and not as exhausting. After he was born the doctor and nurse let us have him for 20 minutes before they even touched him. A luxury that I did no have with two previous high risk births. Because of the H1N1 there are no visitors allowed at the hospital under 13 so Jed and I were not scurrying to bring siblings in to do introductions. It was just the proud papa, a momma that felt really great, a nurse that we adored and even took pictures for us and a doctor that is indeed our doctor but more importantly a dear friend. Just the 4 of us and this precious new and perfect little man. It was amazing.

So for all of you that do not know...we had a little boy. Landon Jedediah Smith born on January 14th at 9:51 PM. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 inches long. He has a beautiful head of dark hair and the most beautiful complexion! ( I think it is because I drank diet coke with this pregnancy! He is good and preserved!)

The girls adore him. I can not tell you how blessed I am. I still pinch myself when in the morning the girls run in and get on my bed and talk and coo and love on their baby brother. I have three beautiful healthy kids. Two days after he was born they met him for the first time... they were so excited! It was great to watch them. They want to do everything for him. Within in the first 5 hours of being home I knew that if I did not set some ground work for how we decided whose "turn" it was to hold, feed, smoother him I would go crazy! At about 8 o'clock that first night home they were arguing about who had him first last time.... I let them know that we were not always going to be able to remember and that we needed to just relax and know that we all get lots of turns. They both chimed in with the famous "but mom, Maddie..." I told them that they had three minutes to figure out who was going o hold him first and that when I came back if they had not agreed on something no one would be holding him. I walked out of the living room and stood in the kitchen where I could see their reflections in the window. I was curious how the deliberation would go. After about a minute of going back and forth with no resolve I heard Madison say... "then were gonna have to do paper, rock, scissors!". And so the new routine of picking who goes first was put in place!

We are adjusting well to the new routine or lack of one! I am loving having an infant in the house. My favorite stage of babies is the new, newborn stage. I know a lot of people do not like this stage but I absolutely would push a pause button if there was one and just live in this moment for a few months. In the moment where they are tiny, their legs still pull into their chest when you pick them up. The stage when they began to open their eyes and just gaze around trying to take in all that is so new. The stage when they smell so good....when their neck beg to be kissed and they sleep all swaddled up making those precious newborn sounds. The stage when their fingers find one of yours and they hold on for dear life! The stage when they fit so perfectly on your shoulder. Every day as Landon get visibly bigger I get a little sad. When he goes from barely getting 1 ounce down at a feeding to just two weeks later guzzling 3 ounces down I feel a twinge of sadness because this time goes way to fast. Too fast for my liking. I think that this time around it is even harder because I wonder if this will be the last time I have "this". Will there be another baby in our future! I think yes.... maybe by thinking that it allows me to enjoy Landon more because if I KNEW that this was it for me and newborns I would be to sad that I miss out on just loving on him.

I had an epiphany the other night. I was looking down at a ring that my sister bought me three years ago when I received the promotion to Regional Vice President with Arbonne and got my Mercedes. It is a beautiful Sapphire and diamond ring. I wear it all he time. However, the other night I looked down and had an "ah ha moment"! The ring has SIX beautiful Sapphire's! You get where I am going right..... is i a coincidence? I think NOT! I think that it means that we should be a family of six. I shared this moment with Jed and he told me he would be happy to take the ring to the jewelers and have a stone removed,.... heartless, I know. So we will just enjoy this moment...while it IS here!

But for now life could not be any sweeter. I would not trade anything....

My darling dotting girls that adore their brother and are so helpful (that by the way I bonded with them in the same way I did with Landon it just took a few hours! And once I ate some teddy grahams and took a nap I was much more open to the whole being a mom thing!)

My husband who is giddy with excitement over his "buddy". He is so helpful and is just the perfect balance to my somewhat neurotic ways!

My precious little boy who proved that no matter your experience or comfort level when you are given a blessing so great as a child the heart just simply finds room to love in a way that you never thought or dreamed possible...even though I am still slightly startled every time I change his diaper!

Thank you Lord for this crazy blessed life that you have given me!

emotional rollercoaster....

2010-01-09T09:45:00.004-06:00

Ok.... almost 39 weeks pregnant... something I have never been before! I never thought that I would make it this far. How thankful we are that this pregnancy has been NORMAL! The odds were against us but God had different plans! I am so emotionally unsure of what I want....stay pregnant, deliver TODAY? I am feeling pretty good physically. I have the normal aches and pains... sore legs, heartburn, pressure but nothing unbearable. I am not nearly as uncomfortable as I thought I would be this far along. So I am not miserable enough for labor to be appealing...yet! Since this is the third bambino I am also all to aware of what comes AFTER the baby is born.... sleepless nights, rolls of blubber where there once was a cute rounded attractive belly, hormones galore.... so I am stuck somewhere between being so ready to meet his sweet precious baby that has been growing in my belly for the last 39 weeks and being content to just sit here pregnant!

Having had planned deliveries with Madison and Olivia the anxiety is a little higher this time around. I have never "gone into labor" on my own so every new twinge or cramp... I start to panic! It will be interesting to see how it all goes this time around. I would LOVE to go into labor on my own. My Dr has said that this labor will be fast! The baby is super LOW and I am ready to go....said that labor start to finish will probably be 4-6 hours total. Alot more appealing then the last two that were 24-48 hours... We had hoped to go to Chicago this weekend if I had not delivered yet to visit some friends. I thought that I should call Keith just to make sure that it was ok and that if I would go into labor that I would make it home the 2 hours... he called back and said that it was a "horrible idea unless I was hoping my kid has a Dupage County birth certificate"! Bummed that I can not go to Chicago but thrilled that he really does think this will be fast!

So day by day..... today I will reclean the already clean house.... reorganize the clothes in the closet, look for things to do so that I feel "ready"! Stay tuned we are days away!!!

most of these pictures were taken by a good friend Liz Foley who is just starting her photography business.... she is very taented!!! Glad to have this pregnancy documented as it could be the last....

The Tooth Fairy

2009-12-12T22:47:00.004-06:00

Today we were greeted at the door by our sweet little girlies. What a great way to return from a night away! They were both so excited to see us! Madison was jumping up and down holding a bloody paper towel and a cup!!! Inside was a tooth! She had lost her 6th one!

She was thrilled that she would hold the title for the first tooth lost in the month of December in her class.... a big deal for a 1s grader! She also immediately was asking where the tooth fairy pillow was so that she could get it all ready!

I told her that I would look for it in a few minutes and asked her to put the cup with the tooth on the kitchen counter. A few hours passed and I cleaned the kitchen and of course you know how this part of the story goes... I totally forgot that the paper cup on the counter was holding a precious possession and apparently washed it down the sink. Madison was extremely calm about it all and assured me that a note to the tooth fairy in the pillow would be fine. Remember this is the same girl whose mom knocked her tooth out in the middle of the night at the hospital last summer and then had an xray that proved the tooth was indeed in the belly....she has experience with teeth mishaps and her and the tooth fairy seem to be in good standings on minor complications with mothers who knock out and trow away teeth!

A few months back when Madison lost a tooth Olivia expressed great concern about her fear of the tooth fairy. Her exact words were "that tooth fairy freaks me out"! We seemed to have worked through it and she calmed down after I reassured her that all was fine!

Today I was paying close attention to see if amongst all the tooth fairy talk the fear of the freaky tooth fairy would be brought up by Miss O. It never came up so I believed that maybe it was a thing of the past.

At nine o'clock after a few hours of playing games by the fire and having a great night with the family we headed upstairs...Maddie bounced into bed so excited to fall asleep... I went and got the tooth pillow, some paper and a pen and sat on her bed and wrote the note...

" Dear Tooth Fairy,

Madison lost another tooth today! It was a big one! We had it in a cup getting it all clean for you and I accidentally threw it away while cleaning the kitchen. Please leave Madison her surprise as this is my fault. You can look in her mouth and see that she indeed has lost another tooth! Thank you so much for your understanding. Sincerely, Nikki Smith ( Madison's Mom)"

As I wrote the letter Madison was looking over my shoulder reading it out loud. I noticed that the more I wrote the tighter Olivia held on to my arm. When we were done we folded up the letter and placed it in the pillow pocket. Madison snuggled in and was ready to go to sleep. It was then that I realized Olivia's little body was trembling. I walked her to her bed and she grabbed on to me and said "please don't make me sleep in here!" Madison told her that she could sleep in her bed with her but I knew that was never gonna fly... that would put her IN THE BED that that the freaky tooth fairy was looking for.

As I sat and tried to calm Olivia down she would ask her sister questions...."Madison, do you feel it when she lifts your pillow?". "Can you feel it when she walks around on your bed?" "What if you open your eyes when she is on your bed...is it freaky?"

After a few minutes she looked at me and said " mom, please let me sleep in your bed". I agreed and felt horrible that she was so scared. I tucked her in our bed but could see that she was still so afraid. I did not feel I could leave her like that so I crawled in bed next to her. I snuggled her up and said that I would lay there with her. I could instantly feel her body relax.... Just as I would think she was asleep a sweet hardly audible voice would ask yet another question.... "mom, how small is she.. is she like this big?" her little fingers would give me the size that she was referring to. I told her she was tiny like Tinkerbell.... "How does she get in our house?"

A few minutes later... "Are you sure it is a girl or is it maybe a boy?". A few more minutes and then my favorite question.. "Do you think she will try to fly up my nose?" - "Can you get out of bed and close your door so that she does not come in here?"

As she was almost asleep she quietly said... "When I lose a tooth I do not want any money. I do not want her to come here anymore" I told her that since the tooth fairy is just looking for the tooth pillow that we could certainly hang it on the front door that way she would never have to come in the house. She nodded her head and agreed with that idea. I ran my fingers through her hair a few more times sure that she was just about asleep.... As I started to get out of bed she said in the same small sleepy voice -" Mom, I don't believe you that she is tiny." I crawled right next her and asked why she would say that. Without opening her eyes she said "Because that note that you wrote her was way to big for her to read if she really is as small as Tinkerbell!". I had to hold back laughter. I assured her that she was safe and that I would be with her.... she never said another word and she drifted off to sleep.

Dear Lord what is a mother to do.... leave the 4 year old trembling thinking about the Freaky Tooth Fairy...probably resulting in needing therapy as an adult OR destroy the dreams of a 7 year old who right now is sleeping, fully expecting a trail of fairy dust from the window to her bed that the tooth fairy left just for her... along with a few dollars.

Speaking of a few dollars.. I gotta run. Not sure I have any cash.

Oh the joys of parenting!!! Never a dull moment!

didn't get a thing done today.....

2009-10-28T21:31:00.010-05:00

I totally am having those days where at the end of the night you are EXHAUSTED but feel like you got nothing done.... I was in the shower, at 5PM, discouraged about just that...getting nothing done. I started trying to run down the list of what I did all day so I could figure out why I never get things crossed off my list... there are piles everywhere, dishes in the sink.....

*I got up at 7 after not sleeping AGAIN, even with the sleeping pills.

*Got two kids up

*Got them both dressed

*Fed them both

*Peed

*Packed 2 backpack

*Packed one lunch

*Found 4 shoes

*Found Frog costume since Olivia was sick and missed Noahs Ark day last week

*Took pictures of said frog outside

*Drove both girls to school

*Made breakfast

*Peed

*Did 2 loads of laundry

*Did dinner dishes from last night

*Checked email
*Cleaned living room enough so I could sit on the couch and eat cold breakfast I had made half hour earlier

*Watched 10 minutes of TV

*Paid bills

*Got to school to do room mom duties at pick up time
*Went to courthouse with crying child to make sure my husband does not get arrested on Nov 16th for subpoena that was issued yesterday (that's another blog entry!)
*Got all the way to the courthouse door and was told I could not bring my cell phone in....walked all the way back to car to THROW phone in the front seat.
*Went back to courthouse
*Gave proof of immunizations for our freakin dog to lady so husband does not get arrested
*Explained to still crying child why we WERE NOT asking the guy at the desk for a sucker (the answer... I was pissed off he made me walk back to the car with my phone and crying child)
*Went to vet to get money back for overcharge on immunizations

*Sneezed and peed... my pants
*Went to post office
*Return carpet samples
*Got groceries
*Kept my cool while Olivias hid in every available location at grocery store
*Went to bank
*Unloaded car
*Started wash as I only have one pair of maternity jeans and they had been peed in.... its not funny!
*Made lunch for me and my child
*Helped Olivia with crafts
*Got homework ready and sorted
*Called loan officer to see why the refinance is taking so long
*Paid speeding ticket online (self induced, you do not have to feel bad about this one!)
*Started load of dark socks so my husbands shoes do not crawl off tomorrow
*Coddled an Arbonne client
*Mailed check to same client
*Peed
*Cleaned buckets for Arbonne party tonight
*Loaded car for party
*Picked up Madison from school
*Was informed she had a "pee infection"
*Called doctor
*Wondered if maybe I have a pee infection
*Remembered I was 30 weeks pregnant ( had forgot all day!)
*Started homework
*Had to explain why all the homework was going to be done again because it was so messy
*Got in a "fight" with a loan officer over the phone about car loan
*Did dishes while arguing with loan officer Called father-in-law to verify that the loan officer was smoking crack and I was right

*Was assured of crack smoking being done by loan officer by wise father-in-law

*Ordered school pictures online

*Picked laminae and tiles for a non paying design job

*Called to find a place to hold a moms night out for MOPS( I think the bar is the best answer!)

*Saw husband arrive

*Husband side swiped by stories of "pee infections" and nasty foods

*Took shower

*Helped Olivia memorize her Awana verse while I was in the shower.

*Signed awana book with eyeliner

*Started dinner

*Tried to update husband on all activities for the night while stirring food and holding up to small towel around huge belly

*Worried about cars driving by that could see me in the front window, stressed and barley covered.

*Decided if they did see it they would never look in my windows again when they drove by

*Finished getting ready

*Swallowed Dinner

*Took TUMS

*Went to Arbonne party

*Realized I forgot to put Mascara on when getting ready

*About died when I remembered taking to woman about how great the mascara is.

*Wondered why she bought the mascara when my eyelashes are not even visible tonight.

*Packed lunches for tomorrow

*Remembered no one was going to school tomorrow

*Ran throw tomorrow with hubby as he brushed his teeth

*Called room mom about Halloween Party

*Went and kissed kids in bed

*Blogged about not understanding why I can not get anything done.

If you can figure out how I am not managing my time well PLEASE let me know. I think I am going to have to cut out peeing and eating!

Breathe Life... Not Death

2009-10-01T15:58:00.008-05:00

Wow.... A bible study by Sharon Jaynes has been one of great conviction! I was informed of the topic selected for the MOPS bible study and knew that it was one that I could benefit from! The power of words..uuggh.

Today was a great study. First and foremost the woman (all 24! of them) that are in the group are fabulous and the leader is an amazing woman of God! This week we just kinda got started. Started digging in to what the "power of the tongue" means! The verse that we started with was Proverbs 18:21 "death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Life and Death? That seems so harsh, so extreme.

We came to the conclusion that it can truly be life and death. Words can be just encouraging enough that they can literally breathe life into someone that was at the point that they were ready to end life. Words could also breathe death into someone. They can be the breaking point for someone that can take no more. No more hurt, no more picking, no more hatred.

There is also the more daily "life and death". The life that we breathe into our kids and husbands when we encourage them, tell them we believe in them or give them courage to go for it! The encouragement that comes from saying... "I love you", "I am proud of you" or "I believe in you".

Life breathed.

Then there is the other...." you'll never be good at soccer", "I told you to listen.... you never listen", "you are making me crazy", "why are you always late, you don't even care about me".....

Death breathed.

The more we dug the more we started looking at what power really means. Strength. Control. Some had good emotions tied to power. Others no so great. Then this definition was brought up.... Sway of influence. Wow. That one really hit me. I looked down at the cover of my book and replaces the word power... " The sway and influence of a woman's words". It took on a whole new meaning when I saw it with just a different set of words.

The sway & influence to breath life or death to those around us.

I think moms are given the greatest chance to exercise just that as we are with those we love the most all day. It is said that it is easiest to hurt those we love the most. So all day we have opportunities to chose life or death with our words. I have never thought of it like this before.

There are countless stories of great people that have accomplished amazing things that trace their complete success back to words that spoke life into them. Maybe by a parent, maybe by a teacher. Then there are the stories of those that can not move past failure or hurt. Most of them will tell you that ever since they were small they were filled with words of doubt, worthlessness.... really words of death.

I am going to be much slower to speak this week as I examine every word that comes out of my mouth. Especially to those who I love the most. I am committing to speak LIFE into my children and husband. To not allow the words of death.

Want to take the challenge with me? Speak only words of life this week and see what happens to the atmosphere of your home... I am not saying do not discipline, do not direct. Just do in a way that breaths life into your child's or husbands heart.

Dear God... give me strength!

Madisons 7th Birthday!

2009-09-25T13:41:00.006-05:00

We had a great day at Madison's Bday party! All of our family was here... lots of good play on the new playset with all of the cousins! We tackled tie-dying as the craft project and it turned out great! The kids had a blast and they looked so cool!

Thanks to Tiggi for her awesome Fondant skills & the help with the cake! It urned out so cute!

The Playset!

2009-09-25T13:25:00.005-05:00

I have been promising that I would get pictures up of the playset that Jed built for the girls.... here they are! The process was impressive! It is so awesome having a handy husband!

Olivias first day of school!

2009-09-13T22:50:00.004-05:00

so this is a few days late... I figured I better get it up here to keep things fair as the girls look at the blog all the time!

Olivia is LOVING school! She is often disappointed when on Tues and Thurs she has to come home with me after dropping Madison off at school. We had her orientation on a Thursday night. Jed and I went with her and helped her unpack her supplies ect. Later that night I told someone that she had her first day of school and she replied..."it is not school until I go alone"! She bounded out of the car the next morning ready to tackle the world! She is my little miss independent!!!! So glad that she is having such a great experience!

Holy Ty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-11T21:49:00.004-05:00

Could these pictures be any cuter??? I will have to blog all of the pictures soon. Extreme Home Makeover is in to town to do a house a few miles out of Freeport. It has been so fun. I was able to get to know a few people who are on the production team and have got a few sweet hook-ups. Today Jed and I were involved in a lot of the filming for the show and will hopefully be seen on the show as we are in the mass of people coming to demo the house and then the interview when Ty talks with the builder about the family in front of the house. It has been an amazing sight. When Jed and I got there this morning at 4 a.m. to work the foundation had just been finished. By the time we left at 4 p.m. the ENTIRE house was framed and the roof was almost completely boarded?? The old house was demoed and removed within about 3 hours.

It has been so fun to see how it all comes together and how it is not at all the way you think it would be! Likethe fact that they demoed the house AFTER the new house was totally up on a different piece of the property!

We have lots of great photos of the other designers, the house progress and the surrounding area that if full of production trailers, food tents - ect!

Had to at least get these up!

I have been held captive since June 15th...really!

2009-08-21T16:46:00.009-05:00

"So where the heck have you been.... " that seems to be the question of the summer. I have started receiving death threats, hate mail and other mean, mean thing from faithful blog followers that are not happy with my updating skills.

So what could possibly happen to a family in a few short week...ok months!

Lets see....

June was pretty much spent in the bathroom... Jed was busy finishing the remodel and I was busy hunched over the beautiful new Kohler toilet. Morning sickness had definitely set in. Yes, for those of you really out of the loop...we are preggo!! Smith number 3 will be joining us in January. I am just about 20 weeks pregnant and we are sooooo excited about the new little bundle that will be joining us. The bathroom as far as Jeds responsiblities go is done. My list however is not... The shower curtain, empty frames and less then appealing heap of towel on the floor due to my lack of ability to make a decision due to "placenta brain" are holding us back. I will give you real photos of the bathroom in thenear future when my desire to spend time in the bathroom returns. Right now t has to many bad memories...give me a month or so of non-puking and I should be ok to continue.

We have spent much time away from home this summer....much of which I did not document because I was to sick to think about packing my kids in the car let alone the camera. In July we were in Minnesota in the middle of the Arctic freeze. I think the high the whole time we were there was 75. uugghh. Really messes up my tan thing... but it was fun and relaxing. We got Madison a wetsuit and she was a great sport in the freezing water!

In July I also spent 2 weeks with the girls in Ohio at Ted and Danielle's house taking care of my sweet niece Teagan. Danielle had a major surgery and me, mom and the girls headed to their place to help out. It was awful to see Danielle so miserable but so fun to have Miss Teag! What a doll.

seriously...could I bottle her up???

Late July my pregnant sniffer kicked into high gear and I decided our house stinks and is making me sick. I have spent weeks cleaning, re-cleaning, having carpets shampooed, dogs shampooed and kids shampooed. I have washed every piece of upholstery, scrubbed every surface and am still nauseated at the smell of our home. I tried the FreshWave and it seemed to work for a day or so but the nastiness has returned. I just got a wiff a few minutes ago as I was typing and wiped my nose across every last square inch of the table sure it must be close by and CAN NOT find the offender. I am at a loss. I think I will next paint the entire first floor and have the vents cleaned. Really, Jed is ready to kill me. It is starting to get expensive! What could it be. It is a very distinct odor. One that I can not describe or explain. I need another pregnant woman to come and help me figure it out. I am ready to move to the playhouse in the back yard which leads to the next paragraph.

smelling every last inch of my house.....

In August we decided the kids needed a play set so we found one that we loved, bought it and got trapped right in the middle of a fraud. That is a whole different entry but here is the synopsis.

Bought playset online, paid for playset, waited for the semi to pull up on Aug 10th, semi never showed, called and found out that the site had been stolen and our money was in Beijing and my playset was non existent. Tears, sobs, yelling, throwing(remember I am pregnant and emotional) and several calls to visa laterand there is hope that the money will be returned. However, in the mean time we had to go to plan B to get the poor, sad, heartbroken kids a new set. So we bought a used set that needed a lot of TLC. It is coming along nicely. Power washing and staining have become a daily activity and Jed is in true engineering style remaking this massive playhouse that will be far better then the original figment of our imagination , nonexistent Beijing play set!

Before

During...

Much thanks to bridget and Claire who came and stayed at our house in the midst of the drama and helped a ton!!

And then there is first days of school, church and home commitments and my overwhelming need for sleep and clean air that keep me busy all day every day!

So we are back. I promise this time. I will never leave you waiting in suspense this long again. It was wrong of me...please forgive me!

First day of school....

2009-08-21T15:11:00.005-05:00

The cutest locker at school... sporting all her cousins and family!

Sob, weep....

Madison started first grade today. My system has been in shock all day and I am counting down the minutes until I get to pick her up. I have stressed about this day for the last 2 years. FULL DAY school, in big girl undies, with a meal at school and new (hopefully not mean) kids. I have run through all of the "what if" scenarios in my head. What if she has an accident, what if she has to go in a pull-up, what if kids laugh at her if either of the above happen. UUGGHHH... being a parent is miserably complicated.

So I will just trust and pray. Mostly pray!

This morning Madison was so excited. She came bounding down the stairs saying "first day of school, first day of school" in true NEMO fashion! I think the locker thing is what she is most excited about. We opted to put her in the public school this year as we felt that it would be a better fit for her. Having a school nurse seemed necessary at this point as I can not be available 24/7 in case there is a problem. She is a huge music and sports buff and we feel that she needed that exposure as these are areas that we can really help her boost her self esteem as it is lacking in other areas due to her health issues and lastly ...the teacher seemed to be a GREAT fit!!

What a big girl she is. I am so proud of her I could burst! What a difference a few years can make. I really question last year if this moment would ever be possible for her.

A FEW HOURS LATER: OK she is home. She survived. Nothing horrible happened, no one shoved her in a locker or tripped her in the lunch room. The teacher did not swim off with her to the "drop-of" (again, true NEMO style!) There was no first grade bully and she actually said it was so much fun she can't remember what she did??? A comment like this in high school would have made my car do u-turn to the closest clinic for a blood draw and drug test, but as a first grader I will believe that pure excitement has left her memory a little foggy. I got a few details out of her on the way home. I told her I was worried about her all day and she asked "why" ( for all of you thinking, "well that's great make her think there is something to be worried about"...shut-up. This was hard for me!) I told her that it was just really hard to have her gone all day and I missed her. To that she answered " mom, your just gonna have to get over it. I'm big now" I thought about grounding her for being so mean and heartless...but then I realized she is right, I need to grow up because she has. This is a huge milestone and I will except it and be happy!

As we walked in the door I suggested that we go get dad in his office and talk about her first day of school... she replied "mom, I just need to watch one cartoon. I am so exhausted"! So she is watching a cartoon, coming out of schoolcoma. I will keep you posted as the days continue! Thanks for your prayers!!!

My sweet girls.... and yes we are still alive!!!

2009-06-15T14:28:00.003-05:00

Ok. Ok. I know.

I will do better, O promise. Please forgive me!

I KNOW I am on the bad blogger list. It has been way to long since I have updated the blog. Life seems to be flying by. Maddie graduated from Pre-school.... the girls are busy at soccer. Jed seems to be working a thousand hours a week and I am doing the same ole, same ole... all you moms know what that means. Dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, disciplining...repeat, over and over!

I will get some newer pics up this week and promise to keep in better communication with you all!!!

Have a great day!

Bathroom updates

2009-06-15T14:15:00.003-05:00

The mirror will be installed on Thursday and then the the rest of the pretty things!!! Decorative lights, shower curtain and curtain!!! We are loving it and will really love it when there is a mirror!!! Jed has done such a great job!!! I take a bath in the new soaking tub almost every night.....aaahhhhhh.

Will keep updating!

a visit from family....

2009-04-27T21:39:00.002-05:00

We had such a great time with my cousin Brandy and her sweet daughter Keira when they came for a visit a few weeks ago! It was so great to have them here! Thanks for staying even without the modern conveniences of a shower! That showed me just how much you really love me! It was so fun for the girls to get to know each other and a blast to sit and get reacquainted with Brandy! Love you guys and miss you!

We are getting there!

2009-04-27T21:08:00.005-05:00

The bathroom is moving along nicely! We have had a crazy couple of weeks which have slowed things down a little bit. A trip to Vegas for me with Arbonne, Jed working 60-70 hours a week with Loctite and busy little girls have taken a few hours away from the remodeling!

Jed is working so hard at getting this all done! It has been 3 weeks and I am estimating that the tile, cabinets and marble will go in beginning of next week!!! YIIPPPEEEEE!

I am so excited to get the "bling and glam" up!

Here's some progress pics!

Jeds amazing new plumbing skills!!!! ( thanks Cole for the assistance!)

The exhausted free labourer!

Looking good!!!

We have a shower and tub!!!!

The memory wall!!! Had to put a little piece of "us" in the walls!Madisons photography skills!

The bathroom remodel is underway!

2009-04-04T13:25:00.007-05:00

Jed and I have been talking about remodeling our bathroom for some time now. We did the quick redo about 7 years ago to get us by... last Friday night I asked Jed what the plans were for the weekend and he answered half jokingly " I guess we could gut the bathroom"! he should know better..... so Saturday we took the sledge hammer to our ONLY full bathroom! It is going very well and we are on task to have the shower back in business by Monday or Tuesday! I am so excited and am having a ton of fun picking out all of the beautiful "loot"!!! Here is a sneak peak! You will have to stay tuned to see where it all goes!!!!

Cabinets.. only in a bathroom!

strawberry shortcake extravaganza......

2009-03-10T10:48:00.005-05:00

We had a great night celebrating Olivia's birthday on Saturday. It is so hard to believe that my baby is 4 years old already! Olivia loved all of the baby doll loot that she received as well as tons of great make-up...she is my true girlie girl!

I need to go...we are off to paint nails! Miss Olivia is waiting patiently!

Miss Olivia's 4th bday!

2009-03-09T17:34:00.005-05:00

We had soooo much fun!! Jed had to be in Chicago on the night of Olivia's birthday for work. We decided that the girls and I would tag along and make it a special birthday celebration for Olivia. She LOVES her American Girl Bitty Baby. We made reservations for a lunch at the Cafe for the six of us! (the four living Smiths plus Taylor & Emma - pictured above!). We loved every minute that we had with the girls. There was no one there but us!!! Olivia was in awe of everything! We spent several hours cruising the store and then headed down Michigan Avenue to look some more. Then back to the hotel to swim and eat Chicago style pizza in bed while watching American Idol! What a great day! The girls and I met Auntie Aimee, my good friend from design school, and headed to the Shedds Aquarium for the day!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABY GIRL!

YES I did just get this all for FREE!!!!!!

2009-03-09T16:34:00.005-05:00

Ok.... I could see getting a little addicted to this whole bargain shopping thing!!! I have been known to clip a coupon or two in my life...mostly because it seems like the thing to do on a Sunday morning. You know so June Cleaver like.... Jed sits and reads the sports page while eating the big beautiful breakfast that I cooked him (listen...as far as I am concerned adding milk to cereal is cooking! and it is a big breakfast... you should see the size of the bowl!) We both sip our coffee. It just seems like I should be clipping and dreaming of all that I could save our family.

But one of two things usually happens next.

1- I lose the coupons in a paper pile and do not find them again until they have expired

2- I get so excited about all that I could save that I buy everything that I clipped a coupon for and end up with the most random stuff that we will never use..so really I didn't save Jack squat!

So I promised to stop "clipping"..... until a few months ago. I saw an Oparh about how to get a lot for little and was up for the challenge! I have been slow going. Occasionally I will do really well...other times not so great!

But baby oh baby did I work the system today!!!!

After I finished checking out I told Madison and Olivia that there was something very exciting I wanted to tell them when we got to the car. They begged me to tell them the whole way out. Once we were at the car I said..."girls come look at all of this stuff back here. How much do you think this cost?" They could have cared less and where interested ONLY in what the exciting news was that I had promised to share. I explode with excitement..... "FREE... it did not cost me anything...thats the exciting news!" Madison looked at me and said. "you have got to be kidding me if that is the exciting news" I guess I need to work on teaching the value of a getting the cow and the milk for free!!!!

So I know you are dying to know how I did it!

CVS sent me 2 coupons in the mail. If you transferred a prescription or filled a new one you would get a 25.oo gift card. I was motivated...however just needed some prescriptions to fill....I immediately began checking old bottles to see if any of them where eligible for refills...all narcotics, no refills allowed.... I did find a bottle of codeine from my surgery last month that I was able to refill..BINGO on prescription #1!

Olivia has been sick the last few days. On Sunday she had a real flare up with her eyes... couldn't open them, swollen, itchy. Everyone tried to tell me that it was pinkeye. I was sure that it was not...her eyes were not pink at all... I was sure pink eye meant "pink" eye! This morning it was a little better...so I debated what to do. Take her or not. I caved and made the appointment to see Dr. Bennett. Jackpot...she has pink eye and Dr. Bennett wrote a prescription!!! He said that he did not want me to start it for her because it looked like it was getting better everyday but wanted me to have the prescription as insurance "in case" we needed it! What he didn't know was that he just gave me "insurance" to work the system!!!!

So off we went to CVS on a mission. An empty bottle of codeine in the purse ( I dumped the 30 pills that where still in the bottle in a plastic bag!) and a new prescription that I needed as "insurance"!

Here is the breakdown....

10 dollars for both prescriptions and they hand me a $50.00 gift card!

4-12 packs of Diet coke - 4 for 13.00 PLUS 3.00 cash back

3 boxes General Mills cereal 10.00 PLUS 5.00 cash back

buy one get one free arm and hammer laundry soap 6.99

buy one get one free toothbrushes 2.99

buy one get one free toothpaste 2.99

(by the way it is the ONLY sponge bob square pants thing i have EVER allowed my kids to buy.. I was so distracted by the sale that I allowed my moral conviction about a freaky pants wearing sponge sneak through

buy one get one free 12 pack AA batteries 6.49

2 bottles of dish soap - 1.49 each PLUS $2.oo cash back

cough drops 2.59 ( no good deal we just needed them!)

hand sanitizer pen, chapstick, q-tips and Kleenex...free goodies for being new pharmacy clients!!!

I paid 10.oo for the prescription, my total for all of the products was 49.62. I used the 50.00 gift card and they had to issue me 10 dollars in CVS cash back coupons...which means I literally got all of this for FREE!!!! not to mention 30 more codenine and a prescription for pink eye that i will sell to the highest bidder!! ( totally kidding... I know how illegal tha is. BTW....Lauren when you have a chance can you bring back the muscle relaxers and pain killers that I loaned you!)

I was so excited! So go find a reason to get medicine... and save a ton!!!!

June Cleaver would be proud!!! And now I have 3 boxes of cereal to keep up the cycle...."cook" a "big" breakfast, clip and save!!!!

I'm back...

2009-02-15T16:35:00.002-06:00

She is one crazy cat!!!

Daddy Daughter Candyland Ball.......

Jed and Uncle Derrick took Maddie and Olivia to the ball on Friday night! They had a great time!

Helping daddy with Loctite samples! The girls love to help daddy with his work projects! Todays samples needed a UV light! Just another day in the life of the Smiths!

kids say the darndest things...

2009-01-16T18:53:00.004-06:00

I remember it well. It was years and years ago (humor me here, I am getting old!). Do you remeber it..... Bill Cosby and that great show, KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS. As a twelve year old I would watch the show and laugh my head off...however, I truly believed that the kids were bribed in some way to say the things they said. Well..... that was before I had kids of my own. I now believe, no - I know, that there was no bribing, those things simply just flow off of the tongues of small precious creatures! You know what I am talking about. The times that you laugh your self silly and the times that you want to crawl into a hole. I need to to better at writing them all down. Olivia seems to be flowing with them lately...

picture this...

I am snuggled on the couch with Olivia reading a backpack full of books. We are laughing, having fun and just loving this time together. We start reading a book about a kid that is, lets just say...fat! I love this book... it was talking about how people make fun of him and how sad he gets that he is the "big guy" and how much he hates it when his Aunt grabs his cheeks while asking.."how's my chunky guy?". I think to myself, "self... this is a perfect opportunity to teach a real lesson". So being all deep and serious I put the book down and say to Olivia, "sweetie God doesn't care about what we look like on the outside, he cares about what our what looks like?" I was pointing to her heart when I asked the question...hoping that she would understand the clue and be prompted to answer with the right answer so that I could smile and pat myself on the back for......training a child in the way he should go!!!

I was surprised when she looked at me so clueless, seeming confused and responded..."mommy, I didn't know God cares about what my boobies look like"......

So no patting myself on the back. Just a heartfelt high five to Bill Cosby and some explaining about what God really cares about!

props to the sistas.....

2009-01-16T18:45:00.003-06:00

thanks to my sisters...

Heidi- for the awesome instruction on how to create new blog headers. I may become addicted!
Kori- for taking the cute pictures of the girls...and our legs!

love it....

guilty as charged.....

2009-01-13T22:59:00.003-06:00

I know. Leave me alone already! I am a slacking blogger. I really do have allot to update you all on but its late.

In a nutshell.

I am Thankful....

gosh I love my kids....

2008-12-09T14:50:00.004-06:00

Snow, snow DO NOT go away... we LOVE snow days. Jed is gone for a few days on business so I was thrilled when the school cancellations flashed across the screen this morning. No scraping my car, no shoveling...just pjs and fun today!

I was on the couch drinking coffee and working (does facebook and ebay count as working?), ok really I was browsing! The girls were playing so nicely together. I was hearing more giggles then cries...life was good. two little girls came bouncing up to me and handed me a nickel... "mom smell this" Madison says. I put it to my nose.. "smells good" i respond. giggles, giggles and then belly laughs erupt. "Mom, I farted on it" Madison blurts. I about died.... I called Jed and he thought it was great... I think he was proud to be totally honest!

A few hours later I was getting all of my scrapbook stuff ready as I am going to take full advantage of this day in the house! The girls were watching the movie Barnyard. Madison comes in the kitchen and asks me .."when is coyote season?". I told her i did not know and that she would have to ask Jed.... A few minutes later Olivia come in... "I never want to live on a farm". "Why", I ask... "because that's where the coyotes eat the peoples" she informs me. I asked why in the world she thought that ... "because if they eat the cows like on the movie they will eat the people too". I told her I agreed with the part about not living on the farm, but not because the coyotes will eat you!!

Man I love these crazy girls...even when they fart on things and make me smell l them...

my new do.....

2008-12-04T13:13:00.002-06:00

so I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis.... not really a crisis just a slump! You know the feeling...old, dated, overweight, tired looking...the whole "don't want to look in the mirror feeling"! So I decided to go for it...cut off the long locks, do some waxing, wear all black....

Here are the results of a few hours and allot of professional help! I really do like it. It so strange as never in my life have I had short hair!

my sweet angel....

2008-12-03T00:12:00.002-06:00

Sweet Maddie Grace.... Thank you all so much for your prayers and concern for our precious girl these last few weeks. She is doing well. I am really trying to be positive and remember just how far she has come. I was looking back in the older post from the blog and was so emotional as I look at just what this girl has been through. We are still moving forward day by day. Trying to adjust meds to get where we need to be. We had an xray today and everything looked good... probably means that we can hold at the dosages we are at and then recheck in a week.

Some days are better then others. Madison is back in pull ups as we are just not having much success with no accidents. She is trying .... I can tell that she is frustrated. Hopefully with the adjustments that we will be making in adding pectin back in tomorrow she will have better control and feeling.

When we went to get xrays today the technician asked why we were there... when I responded "she had a colon resection in July" he looked surprised ....the severity of what she has been through really hit me for the first time... My sweet girl has been through more then I could have ever imagined. So really in the grand skeem of things a little medicine, and occasional enema and some cute pull-ups are really not all that bad. We have come a LONG way in the last 6 months. I believe with all of my heart that we will get the "home run" yet.

Thanks for praying. This little girl is going to do great things in her life... I wonder what the Lord is preparing her for? Whatever it is, it is going to be amazing.

sisters......

2008-12-03T00:09:00.002-06:00

Kori...Lauren...Danielle....Heidi...Nikki

so thankful for all of my sisters. How fun to all be together at Thanksgiving! It is so weird how fast time flies... 5 boys (aka husbands!), 7 kids, 1 baby in the oven....so much love. So blessed.

thanksgiving....

2008-12-02T23:37:00.007-06:00

madison...aka pilgrim!
Madison's school program

miss Teagan

Emily Mauch

Olivia and Maddie

Ted Robert

Aunt Lauren and Olivia

Cousins....Kelli, Olivia, Maddie & Andrew

Miss Eden

Grandpa Cronk

Madison and Teagan

Thanksgiving was GREAT! Here are some pics to recap all the fun with the family!

an interior design moms clothing nightmare....

2008-12-02T23:32:00.003-06:00

really.... could the outfits be any better!! I was about ready to die when the kids came down dressed and ready to head to the store. I am trying to say no less but this just could not be left for the public to see. Olivia thought that it was funny...Madison was less then happy with my decision to make her change! Gotta love a kids choice!

still no success...

2008-11-21T09:03:00.001-06:00

still no results from the enema or the meds. Dr. Levitt upped the meds as of last night. We will see what happens..... Probably need an enema today if no results this morning. Xray tomorrow.

Thanks for your prayers,
Nikki

bummed out....

2008-11-19T10:41:00.003-06:00

so, not a good day yesterday for poor Maddie. We have been noticing that her stooling is getting less frequent these last few weeks. have been keeping a close tab on it and trying to do what we can to keep things "normal". Last week we had 2 different stretches when she went 3 days with no poo...not a good thing at all for her colon that is supposed to be faster then normal since the surgery. Talked with Dr. Levitt on Monday and he was concerned and asked to see an xray of her belly. After he saw the xray he confirmed that our worst fears were right and that she was accumulating stool in her colon. So here begins the cycle that we had so hoped we were moving away from. Madison had to have a 300 cc enema last night and now we will start again on the ex-lax daily. We will repeat the xray on Friday and see if she is all clean. if so we will continue daily on the meds. If not we will re administer an enema and up the dosages of ex-lax. UUGGHHH...

Last night Jed was getting all of the stuff together for the enema. I had not told Maddie what was going on as it just causes unnecessary anxiety for her. I took her in the room and she was asking what I was doing... when Jed came in the bathroom and she say the enema bag in his hands she looked at me with the most heartbreaking look, with eyes that cried out "help me mom". She just looked at me crying waiting for an explanation. It was all I could do to talk without falling apart. I explained to her what was going on and why it was so important to stay empty to avoid even bigger problems.

She continues to amaze me with her strength. After the bad part was done we were all sitting in the bathroom with her on my lap waiting the awful 15 minutes for the enema to take effect. She looked at me with a red, tear stained face and said "mom it didn't even hurt that bad, it just scares me". How could it not scare her? I hate that we have to hold her with all of our might to even administer the dang thing...she is physically so strong. After all of these years she knows how to fight off the ones that are coming for her with any medical equipment!

So please continue to pray for this sweet little girl. Pray that we do not get back in a bad pattern with her, that meds can stay at a very low dose and that she will start to really get full bowel recognition.

We appreciate all of your prayers for her!

hero of the month!!......

2008-11-17T10:48:00.002-06:00

here she is... your very own, Madison Smith... Kids Wish Network Hero of the Month for November! O my goodness was she excited when the package arrived! Filled with goodies, t-shirts, certificates, cool games and a $200 gift card to Walmart!!! We are so proud of the way that she has persevered through all of her trauma and do agree that she is a Hero! Way to go Maddie!

PS. If you go to McDonald's this month... say YES when they ask if you want to donate a dollar to Ronald McDonald houses. they will ask whose name you want on your donation hand... I suggest you put Maddie's!!!

leaves, leaves and more leaves....

2008-11-17T10:44:00.003-06:00

Leaves....do they ever stop falling from the trees??? We have been tackling the back yard for weeks. Last weekend we spent all day outside raking. The girls had a blast! We would fill up the tarp to pull to the street... the girls would jump on and go for a ride! We got quite the workout but they loved it! What cute pics of fall fun!

whos kid is she.......

2008-11-17T10:41:00.003-06:00

She is just to much!!!! Gotta love this spunky kid!

scrapbooking....

2008-11-17T09:34:00.005-06:00

this picture was taken the day before we checked in to the hospital for surgery.

I will transfer over my journal entry from that emotion night to the right page.

I just go back from 3 days of scrapbooking with 12 other women. It was so great! I LOVE getting things accomplished. I came home with 80 pages completed in the girls albums. YEAH!!! One of the things that I love the most about scrapbooking is taking trips down memory lane. Many times this weekend I found myself just frozen staring at a picture replaying all that I remember about that particular event. I have gobs of photos from this last year and everyone is so special, telling its own story. I loved journaling to my girls about how special they are, how much they are loved and what I hope for their futures. I pray that they will always know just how they make my heart smile... on the good days and the bad. When I got home I was so excited as they wanted to sit and look at all of their new pages. They LOVED looking and talking about all of the different memories. Later Jed wanted to sit and look through it all. It was so fun to just look back at the girls in the last few years. We commented about not even really remembering the details of when they were that young.... the mom fog gets in the way. I remember the daily activities the cute things they did, but until I see a picture I forget the way that the cheeks dimpled, the hair parted, the nose dripped.... thank God for the gift of freezing those moments on film. They do grow to fast..... I used to think that people were crazy when they would visit us after just having one of the girls. I would be holding a little 6 pound peanut wrapped up in a preemie outfit and they would caution..."before you know it she will be heading off to college". I would do a little "give me a break" in the back of my mind... again the mom fog! And now......uuuggghhh 6 years old already. Sob, weep. I asked Olivia last night with a sense of sadness in my voice when she got so big. She replied, "mom its just the way life goes"!!! Jed and I died laughing.

So to all of you none scrapbookers, do your kids and yourself a favor.... do something special with your photos. Don't keep those precious moments stuck in a computer or in a shoebox. Print them, share your heart at this time in your life. Journal for your kids. I laugh so many times when I read entry's from earlier. Days when I talk about just how tired I am, how the fighting and whining is going to make me go over the cliff.... and then there are the days that you read about the kids that played together...nicely! The entries about tender conversations between two sisters sandwiched together in a hospital bed after Madison's surgery.... things that would be forgotten had I not taken the time to sit and record and capture! Let the dishes go today for they will still be there tomorrow!!! Instead grab your notebook and write what you love about your kids, what drives you wild and just how much you love being the family zoo keeper. Your kids will thank you!

enough sap.....

grandparents day....

2008-11-01T23:36:00.003-05:00

Friday was Granparents day at Madisons school. She was so thrilled to have all 4 granparents there! I am always sooooo amazed at how much they can learn and memorize...... She did great!!!

halloween...

2008-11-01T23:20:00.004-05:00

The elephant and the bee.... we had a great time last night with the girls... we went trick-or treating right at 5 so we could beat the crowds... also made stops at the grandparents and great-grandparents... Madison was so sweet with Olivia. Olivia is kinda shy (would you ever guess that??) Maddie would hold her hand and be so sensitive... what a great big sister!

Great Grandpa Cronk

Great Grandpa TC Smith

throwback to the 80's....

2008-11-01T22:50:00.009-05:00

so we took 2 trips down memory lane this week.

Trip #1....

I put the girls hair in the old school sponge rollers. It was like I was sitting I on the floor in the Mogion (?) Drive house.... this is just what us girls looked like on Saturday nights!! Kori and Heidi do you remember it?? I chuckled when the girls complained about it hurting when they laid down... I remember that too!!!

Typical late night melt downs...gotta love that I got it on film!!!Ok..so it really is bedtime...

then trip #2...

We stopped out at Steve and Janans house after janan had gone through the garage. She had just found some boxes with the kids old toys. Jed was so cute looking through it all and rembering so many great times... these were a few of his favorites!!

i miss danielle....

2008-11-01T22:45:00.003-05:00

Madison came downstairs the other day holding something close to her body...she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she turned around the object and revealed a picture of her and Aunt Danielle. "I miss her and it is not fair that she lives so far away and I never get to see her". We talked about it for a few minutes. I tried to make her feel better by telling her that they were coming for Thanksgiving. She looked and me and said " can I watch TV? I think Cartoons would make me feel better"!

carving pumpkins...

2008-10-27T23:52:00.002-05:00

The girls were running all over town with me today... the death of them was 2 hours in Menard's. I promised them that if they were good we would do something special... They were good, or as good as any 3 and 6 year old can be in Menard's for 2 hours. We decided that we should carve pumpkins! We washed and "de-gutted" them before Jed came home.... the girls quickly abandoned Jed and he was left to carve alone! They turned out really cute! Madison wanted a Cubs pumpkin but we were afraid we would be victim of a crime from an unstable fan.... we went with the Bears instead!

the fun has to stop...

2008-10-27T23:47:00.003-05:00

When I got in the shower they were clothed and painting nicely, on paper. Not sure what happened.... well yeah I do, they think I am cool and will let them do whatever they want. I asked for it...showers with clothes on, running in the rain. this fun had got to stop!! I am exhausted!! for the record Olivia said that finger painting means you can paint with your fingers...on anything!

our elephant...

2008-10-27T23:28:00.003-05:00

I love this little guy... they are always together! Isn't he too cute!

Madison's class..

Madison had her Noah's Ark party at school on Friday... this is the Halloween alternative. They have to come dressed as an animal! I am one of the room moms this year and really enjoying being able to plan the parties and be involved with Madison's class. She is such a doll and learning so much!!

little explorers and the poor dog....

2008-10-27T23:16:00.005-05:00

I was working in my office the other day and saw the girls go out on the back deck... I about died when I saw poor Libby trailing behind. They informed me that they were going "exploring". Madison even had a map! How fun to watch them play together and use their ever active imaginations. Libby looks like such an old maid......

tell me they are not just the best thing....

2008-10-16T14:19:00.001-05:00

Kori took our family pics the other day. I just LOVE this one! I love that they are both laughing! What an amazing thing to see Madison so full of life and happy!!! Every time I see this picture I can not help but be thankful... I have so many blessings in my life!! Thank you Kori for capturing the sweet spirit of these precious girls!!!

wooohooo.....

2008-10-16T14:18:00.002-05:00

I am soooo thrilled that I finally figured out this stupid layout!!!! I DID it! So here we are, back in business. You no longer have to wear your 3-D glasses to view my blog!!

Miss Eden.....

2008-10-08T12:11:00.005-05:00

This is for you Chris!!
help...she wont take this flower out of my hair!

My neice Eden has been staying with us this week as her momma Heidi is visting our sister Danielle who just had baby Teagan. Here are a whole slew of pics... I know that there are allot but it is mainly to satisfy Heidi! She is such a doll..... and boy is she busy!!!

uppercase living...

2008-10-08T12:03:00.005-05:00

a few months ago I had an uppercase living party. It was great stuff and I was excited to order a few things for the house..... it has taken me 4 months to get them done but I love the results! You can check out the website at http://www.uppercaseliving.com/. My rep is Melissa Hartzell in Sterling. I am off to get the pics printed and matted for the frames in teh hallway! I am so thrilled to finally have this hallway done!! the girls room is just about completed... a few more final touches!

playing in the rain...

2008-10-08T11:55:00.004-05:00

Do you remember the post from last week where I talked about try not to say "no" so much... I am still working on it! Madison has been waiting patiently for the rain to come! yesterday as soon as she came home from school she asked if she could go outside and get wet! Olivia was a little more reserved, but Madison had a blast!!

Olivia....

2008-10-08T11:51:00.003-05:00

I just love these pics of Olivia. She loves washing dishes. I thought that these were so sweet.

HELP....

2008-10-06T18:49:00.002-05:00

ok so in my ventures to make my blog more aesthetically pleasing I sooooo screwed something up.... I found a site that has free blog templates and now for the life of me cannot get it to go away.... I hate this layout and have had several others also log in and try to fix my "issues" with no success. We have erased HTML addresses again and again and still this blasted thing will not go away. If you have any suggestion or are a computer genius let me know..... I am so stinkin' disturbed that I can not figure it out!

Nikki

a day at the apple orchard....

2008-10-04T22:38:00.006-05:00

We had a great day at the apple orchard today. It was BUSY... they said that they had had 4,000 people pick apples!!! WOW! It was a beautiful day and all of the kiddos had a blast...so much to see, do and TASTE! We went to Edwards Apple Orchard in Poplar Grove. Jed's parents, Steve and Janan came and brought along their darling "new kiddos" Stello, Mikie and Tjaden. These three sweet kids are staying with them for a few months! We are loving having them as part of the family! Jed's sister Sara and her husband Chuck came as well with their three kids - Ben, Dominique and Elliott.

The kids.. Tjayden, Ben, Madison, Dominique, Olivia, Mikie and Elliott

the finished product!!! Miss Olivia

Pony Rides
Heading out on the wagon to pick apples
Sweet Mikie... my girls LOVE her!

The workers!
what do you do when you do not have a ladder!?
The Smiths!
Daddy and his girlsMy precious girls Carmel apples, donuts, cider and many more forms of sugar were consumed!

On the way home!!! Madison, Mikie and Olivia!

scavenger hunting.....

2008-10-01T14:15:00.006-05:00

Heading out with the list!

Libby was the something brown!!! Too funny!

Today's big adventure...scavenger hunts! when the girls said..."it is boring outside" I decided to give them a scavenger hunt list! They have been having a blast and are currently doing the inside scavenger hunt list!

Do not be to surprised with the caliber of my drawings... I know, I know, that art degree really paid off! I laughed when the girls had to ask me what several of my pictures were!! O well...

dishwashing divas.....

2008-09-29T22:18:00.006-05:00

I have been trying , really trying, not to say "no" just because it is the easy way out. You know what I mean.... "mom, can we finger paint?" - NO. "mom can we play in the mud" -NO. But really why do I say no? Is it because all I am thinking in the back of my head is.. that's just one more thing for me to clean up. Is that really a good enough reason? I have been really trying. Kids are kids, they need to do some crazy,messy stuff.

So yesterday the first request of the day came. "mom, can Olivia and I take a shower....with our clothes on?" I immediately said no. But then I remembered my new commitment. I yelled back at Madison that it was OK. I heard her yell at Olivia " HURRY, SHE SAID YESSSSS" they were all giggles and played in the shower and bath fully clothed for a good hour!

Then at supper time..."mom can we have a restaurant here tonight? We want you to be the waitress and we will be at the table... You need to carry a tray." OK. so there I stood tray in hand waiting on the little miss smiths, and there dear baby! At one point Olivia raised her hand and said "mam, we will need some ketchup". Too Funny. When the meal was done they said that they loved the food and the chicken was very good!

then today... can we do the dishes? There were no dishes. actually, I had just finished cleaning the kitchen... but being the good mom that I am trying to be, I said yes! So we got out clean dishes to wash... they played for literally hours, the washed bath toys, all of the Tupperware, they made soap mustaches..... but most of all they had fun.

Yea, so I have had a few rivers to clean up inside, some soggy clothes on the bathroom floor, some food orders and maybe a few more chores, but man has it been fun to see them be so surprised at a yes!

Today I heard Madison say to Olivia.. "I hope it rains because I think mommy would let us go outside and play in it...with our clothes on!!!"

no wonder it was so quiet....

2008-09-29T22:13:00.002-05:00

I came up the last night after thinking that things were way to quiet.... how sweet is this. Jed was watching the game in bed and both girls found their daddy. You just have to love these moments. Can I just tell you that one of the biggest blessings in life is having a husband who loves the time he gets to spend with his kiddos. Thanks Jed for being such a great dad! The girls adore you!

yummy veggies...

2008-09-29T22:08:00.003-05:00

here is what we are eating allot of these days! Jed and I are down more then 20 pounds combined in the first 30 days....we will continue on for another 60 days and hopefully another combined 20 pounds a month!! To see what we are doing visit www.beachbody.com and check out Power 90. Off to bed...need to be up at 6 am to exercise!!! UUGGGHHHH

Keep you posted!

a good day after yesterdays storm, thank God...

2008-09-23T17:12:00.013-05:00

SWEET Maddie Grace

Olivia JOY

the new invention... I think the girls think it is allot better then Libby does!

the girls and I have had a great day... Lord knows that we needed it after World War III last night. Why is it that some days everyone is just NAUGHTY? In turn them being naughty makes me naughty!! Jed is gone for 3 days on business. It never fails that bedtimes are everything but pleasant when he is gone. I know that allot of it is because my patience is at a low point at 5 PM when the "witching hours", as I call them begin. You that are mothers know exactly what I am talking about. The point at which if one more person whines, begs, looks crossed eyed, talks back, or says " I am hungry" or " I need..." one more time you will burst.... And wouldn't you know that is the point that my dear husband comes home everyday.. ( love you Jed and am sorry for everything that you endure with me!) I feel like I am patient, or at least start the day out that way.... by the hour I feel the storm coming. Well last night IKE blew over the Smith home. And there was devastation! I will not go into to many details, I will just tell you that it was ugly. The most disobedient, fearless, bull headed children resided here last night. And you know the part that makes me the most annoyed? When those kiddos who want me to be at their beckon call all day all of the sudden start crying out for their dad. Forget the last 12 hours of sacrifice... It just a bunch of blubbering " I want my daddddy...." Gross. So do I ... but guess what YOU GOT ME TONIGHT!

So the storm raged for a few hours... I prayed many times for a calm spirit.. Still not sure if i got it or not. So after all had settled down, kids where separated and in different room I came into the girls room where Madison was in bed. She was on top of her covers and asked why it was so hot in our house. "because you and Olivia had been so disobedient and disrespectful that I closed the windows so that the neighbors would not call the police if they heard you screaming." I am sure that this is NOT what I should have said, but you know what, I felt she needed the truth. I closed the windows because I was sure the authorities would arrive any minute.... if I did not muffle the awful noise. They would come to rescue the two horribly underprivileged, out of control yelling monsters that were being treated so unfair by their mother. I mean really.. what other mom in the world actually makes her kids clean their room and brush their teeth. I know.... I am MEAN! I should ask the Kindergarten teacher what she was told this morning!!

So all of that to say LORD KNEW we needed a better day today! I am so thankful that today after the first session of the new bible study I am in, I was assured that I was just like all of the other exhausted mother and wife's out there. We all have days that we want to throw in the towel and go somewhere..anywhere really..as long as there is no kids or men! Somewhere where there are no windows to be closed, unless you are cold! the study that we are doing is called Feminine Appeal and I can tell it is going to be great! So after bible study I picked up Madison from school and my patience was at a high! I was willing and ready to serve my dear children and we had a great day. I read, they played...nicely! I am so thankful that usually these rough days are not strung together. they come in small doses to remind us just what we did to our parents. After I had cleaned up all evidence of the storm last night I was heading to bed and found both girls in Maddie's bed. They do love each other. And I DO love them. I thanked God for the precious blessing of SLEEPING children and kissed them both goodnight.

God bless all mothers in the world!

though that this would help any of you that do not have insurance......

2008-09-22T11:58:00.003-05:00

here is what I received in the mail last week..... I had to stop and catch my breathe! Just thought that I would post this so that any of you that read this that do not have insurance ( I know there are a few!) would run to your local agent and get it!! This is the hospital bill from Cincinnati Children's and does not include any doctor fees..... YIKES! Obviously we will not be paying the 70K but even with insurance we will pay plenty.

Thank God that we do have insurance... 2008 has been a year of medical chaos! 2009 is bound to be injury free!

just one more reason I love my hubby.... ( not that I need more reasons!)

2008-09-21T19:22:00.008-05:00

Danielle and her beautiful baby girl
Teagan Janae
The happy family

So Danielle had that beautiful baby girls on Thursday. It was so sweet to have all five of us sisters on a conference call as Danielle told the details of Teagan. She had arranged to call from the recovery room so that we could all hear together. A very sweet moment... I did not say much as I was to choked up. I was really struggling with not being there. I have been able to see all of my sisters the day they had their babies so it just felt so strange to be 8 hours away. Since the Smith family has been gone from home about 50% of the last 6 months I did not think that it was going to work to go see Danielle and Teagan. I looked at the calendar several times and was just not finding a good time to escape on a quick trip...not with work, guilt of leaving the kiddos after a hard summer and all the other details that would need to be worked out. I had accepted the fact that I would see them all at Thanksgiving when they came home.

After we hung up on Thursday I cried a little...but being a big girl I continued on with my day...several times wondering how Danielle was doing or what that precious Teagan looked like...

I made lunch for Jed and I and sat with him in his office. We talked about how weird it was not being able to jump over to the hospital to see them....so we decided to do the next best thing and order flowers so they knew we were thinking of them.

A few hours later I returned to Jed's office.... (by the way it was our anniversary this day too!) He said " do you want to go out?" I though that he was referring to dinner plans.... when I asked if I should get a babysitter he said " no, to Ohio....should we go?" I made sure that he know not to joke about such an issue. So an hour and a half later the car was packed and we were on our way.... he felt like it was the right thing to do and there was no commitments that where holding us back.

We arrived at Ted and Danielle's house at 3AM. Mom and dad let us in! We surprised Ted and Danielle on Friday morning! I dressed in scrubs and went in to see the patient! She about opened her incision the way she gasp and jumped....what a fun surprise. We were able to spend Friday and Saturday with them and then left this morning. The girls adore Teagan and were so excited to see her. Jed was so great and allowed me to just spend hours on end at the hospital with my sister and Teagan. What an awesome anniversary present!

Here are some pics of the sweet mom and baby!!

just after the surprise!!

Meeting Teagan

checking out my sweet niece
Cousin Madison
Cousin Olivia

Uncle Jed

In her daddy's arms

The girls LOVE!!! her!!

crazy head of hair!!

I think we are all ready for number 3 now!!

Aunt Nikki with the little peanut!

I am back....

2008-09-18T10:28:00.006-05:00

the new injury... a blasted nose, hip and toe from a face plant on the way to the homecoming parade. there was a puddle of blood on the street for all to see!

Must be passed on from her dad... I had to laugh!

Another present arrived from the nurse Liz at CCHMC. Can you believe it?? and then another from Maggie, the director of the Cincinnati Champions Program

Working on the craft project that Lauren and Derrick gave to Madison for her birthday!

The finished project

Olivia "helping" me out!

sorry that I have been so behind on blogging. It has been a busy couple of weeks. I was able to go to Minneapolis for Arbonne last week and had a great time there with several of the girls on my team. It was a good 3 days away and helped me to really get back on target with my business after a crazy summer! I was invited by Tory Brandt, my National Vice President to a cocktail party for all of the NVPs. It was a great privilege. The highlight for me was having a great conversation with our dear president Rita Davenport...(John Cruse...be expecting a call or email soon! she has you pegged... she totally remembered you!)

Otherwise life is still the same here. We have been busy with Madison being in school 5 days a week. She is loving school and is doing really well. We have not had any accidents at school so the Lord has really been watching over her. We have had a few accidents a week so hopefully that will start to slow down as well. Dr. Levitt checked in yesterday to see how the party was and how Madison is doing. he said that he is so thrilled that she is off all the ex lax and still really believes that soon the sensation will come back to her. He is always very positive about where he thinks she will end up. So we will keep working with her and pray that Dr. Levitt is right!

Olivia is a character. She keeps me on my toes...we have a great time together in the mornings when Madison is at school. It is a great opportunity to be with her alone. She is very busy and has an imagination like no ones business.

Jed and I started Power 90 2 weeks ago and are getting up early everyday to exercises and are following a strict eating plan. Jed and I both lost 7 pounds the first week!!! WOOHOO.... We will keep you posted on our progress.... it is so much easier doing this together. Usually when I diet Jed walks around with bowls of ice cream bigger then his head... a real encouragement to the dieting wife! The last 3 years we have watched the biggest loser.... while eating ice cream. You know that show makes you feel pretty good about the measly 20 pounds you need to lose...until the finale. There we sit with bowls of ice cream and the harsh reality hits as the winners come busting through the paper looking way better then us! So this year we will be losing along with the participants...drinking water and eating bok choy!

So there is a quick update on what is happening here..... o yeah and I will post a picture of Madison latest injury!!! So sad the way she is always banged and bruised!

celebrating the big 6......

2008-09-08T22:11:00.005-05:00

what a great day we had on Saturday celebrating Madison's 6th bday! The birthday party was a blast and she was so thrilled to show everyone about her life in the hospital. I will blog a copy of her invitations as it tells the story of her desire to have a hospital birthday party so that she could show all of her friends what it is like to be in the hospital.

We tried to recreate as many elements as possible.... we had the playroom, played hospital bingo, had wristbands and people were "checked in" as they came in! Madison was in the MD suit and Olivia was the nurse/doctor in training! Madison said that she wanted to have dolls that people could cut open to take their colons out...... I told her that it may be to much so we opted for just the basic hospital procedures!!!!! Too funny. The girls LOVED it and Madison told lots of stories about all of her experiences.

the staff at Cincinnati Hospital was so great and gave us a TON of goodies to make the hospital party as real as possible!!!! What a great group of people!

What a thrill to have her be so excited..... she is such a doll.

the id bands...even the parents had "parents bands"!the goodie bags...everyone was equipped with the fixin's to play doctor at home! The "playroom" (Madison's favorite place at the hospital)Olivia...the doctors assistant!few "sick" patients!!!!

Hospital Bingo... one of Madison's favorite activities at CCHMC

The cake... I slaved away but loved the way it turned out. Madison was so excited!!

six years old...... sign, moan, sob..... my sweet baby has been through so much in her short life. But man o man is she a trooper... and doesn't she look so good!?

Love you sweet girl and am so proud of you!

our little rock band....

2008-09-03T17:12:00.008-05:00

Here it is... our own little rock band - two punks and a big guitar.

spunkerella.....

2008-09-01T11:08:00.003-05:00

my oh my. Do you think she may have a career in theater!

we had so much fun......

2008-09-01T10:28:00.001-05:00

the crazy beach babes!
I took this pic so that you could see how amazing this beach was... the black dot in the water is JED STANDING... the beach was hundreds of yards of knee deep water. The kids LOVED it and it makes it easy for momma to relax!

Notice the frog on peters head! The kids had fun "frog hunting" for hours.
They always found a ton!Luke's find Madison's hopper!
The retreat! A view from the fire
The girls LOVED the two puppies that the Maillefers had! They played for hours a day with Rosie and LuLu!

The clan. Bridget and Claire had to leave Friday nightLukie- Lu
Bridget and Claire

Madison and LuLu

Olivia and Rosie

We had such a great time in Door county with the Maillefers! We had lots of good rest and relaxation as well as good fun activities!

We swam, biked, kayaked lake Michigan, shopped, watched fireworks at the marina fest, scrapbooked, golfed, played games, read, drank lots of coffee, sat by the fire, cooked full meals on the fire, fished..... we had a great time and are so thankful for the Maillefer hospitality!!!

and we're off....

2008-08-27T00:17:00.004-05:00

I am SOOOOOo excited to be heading out of town.....on vacation. Can you believe it, the Smith family is leaving town and not heading to a hospital! We will be heading to Door County tomorrow to stay with my dear aunt lori and uncle marc and their kiddos in their beautiful log cabin!!! We are so ready to relax... no tv, no cell phones, no internet and no agenda!

We all need a little r&r.

I will blog pics when we return on Sunday!

Have a great holiday weekend!

is she really six........

2008-08-24T23:33:00.004-05:00

"Learning to trust God with a life as fragile as Madison's was one of the hardest trials I have ever faced. Seems silly when I think about it. The God who cut a dry path through a raging sea; the God who took a lowly Shepard boy, five stones and a slingshot and made him a warrior; The God who delivered Peter out of a guarded cell, is the same God who cupped His massive hands gently around a fragile body and breathed life. The same God who laid his hands upon the lepers, the outcast, the lame, placed His hands upon my heart and said "fear not, only believe". Every time I look at you Madison I remember the past, yet I can not help but think of the future. You were the best teacher I ever had. You taught me to have faith, that the Lord cares, and that we are not here by mistake or chance, but by the grace and love of God. Most importantly you taught me humility, for apart from God I can do nothing, but with Him nothing is impossible. We are not in control, but when we loosen the grip from those things we cling so tightly to, His tender voice will cut through the icy sting of disappointment & give us courage, strength and faith to face the trials of life head on."
Scrapbook entry from when Madison was in the NICU 6 years ago. Boy is it still true today!

Is it possible that six years ago today she was born?? I feel like I have been a mom forever

but yet I also feel like she was just born yesterday. Six years ago this sweet, precious, tender girl was struggling to breathe. I am so reminiscent tonight as the clock ticks by... I keep thinking about what was happening in the hospital 6 years ago to the hour. In the morning I will be thinking about the helicopter that came to take my sweet first child, just hours old, to Rockford to the NICU. Boy has she kept us on our toes!

Despite all of the medical issues that poor Madison has had she is such an amazingly happy little girl. These pictures make my heart smile as I can see that she is "just fine" even with all that she has been through. She loves life, loves people and best of all loves the Lord.

Sweet Madison Grace you will never know the love I have for you until you have a child of your own!!!

Happy birthday baby!

banged up beauty.....

2008-08-22T23:02:00.015-05:00

Oh my goodness can the girl really not get a break??? Another injury to Madison's every growing list!!! Last night on Jed's duty (side note: chipped tooth and stitches have also happened on his duty!!!) the latest injury occurred, not that it has anything to do with neglect or not paying attention. I think that it is comical that when a mother leaves home wild accidents happen!

The kids were in bed early because today was Madison's first day of kindergarten. Jed heard some chatting upstairs, not unusual since the new adventure of sharing a room. A few minutes later the laughter turned to blood curdling scream...... here is the injury!

Ouch........

Madison was annoyed that Olivia "kept waking me up" so she invited her to come sleep in bed with her in hopes that she would settle down. Somehow on the way into bed Olivia's head collided with Madison's..... I came home and Madison was sound asleep with the icepack still in place. This morning it was a beautiful shiner. She cried because she did not want to go to school like that... we tried to tell her that the boys would think it was cool.

Always lots of reasons for pictures in this household!!!

Tonight we went to the fair to celebrate Madison birthday coming on Sunday. We took her good friend Gabby along! They had a great time and we are all pooped out!! And speaking of poop...we have had no accidents in 48 hours and 2 days of successfully pooing in the big girl potty!!! I feel an underwear shopping trip coming on!!!

Here are pics of the wild day.......

First Day of School

Still friends....even after the injury!!

At the fair....this is before Olivia freaked out because she was NOT a fan of the ride!

Gabby & Madison

Pouting after the "freaky" ride!!!Now we are better!!!

Taking it all in....Having a blast with NoahMadison is always up for a challengeAll tattooed up!!!Olivia was also not a fan of the noise in the barn!!

Madison was in love with this sheep!!! This is a GREAT fair picture...

dirty girl with missing teeth, black eye, petting sheep in pink leopard "outfit" all while carrying the bible she received at one of the booths!!!

another day with good news....

2008-08-22T16:50:00.002-05:00

real quick update to be followed with more info later!
1- Madison pooped again!!!!!
2- Danielle has been discharged!! Scans looked good so she will follow up with her OB on Monday for pain management issues with the severe headaches... probably being causes by the other tumors that she has in her neck and shoulders.

Stay tuned for pics of Madison's latest injury!!! The girl should be living in a rubber room!!!!

We are off to the fair to celebrate all the good news and Madison's birthday(8-24) !

Nikki

pray for my little sister.....

2008-08-21T15:16:00.003-05:00

Lauren, Danielle and me at the baby shower last Sunday.

my sister Danielle is 33 weeks pregnant. She has struggled her whole life with hemagiomas, tumors that form in your blood vessels. Danielle has been under special care since her pregnancy began. Last night she started having allot of pain and was having some involuntary eye twitching. After seeing her doctor today they have decided to admit her to the hospital. She will be having scans done in the morning to see how everything looks and then decisions on how to move forward will be made. Please pray for Danielle and Ted these next 24 hours as I am sure they are anxious about what the scans will show.

Danielle's doctor told her that a baby born at 33 weeks would do fine..... not something I would wish on anyone though. It brings me right back to the days with Maddie as a preemie.

We love you Danielle and Ted and are praying for you!

great news.....

2008-08-21T14:22:00.002-05:00

hello all!! Just wanted to give you an exciting update! Madison has been on the new dosage of meds for 2 days now with no results. We were instructed that if after 48 hours we had not had any poop that we were supposed to give an enema. That would have been this evening and we have had no results.....until.... after lunch I made Madison sit on the potty. For the first time that I can ever remember in her life she had a normal solid stool that she said she could feel!!!! Can you believe it! I wanted to take a picture of it! I was so excited but since I know that more than family is checking the blog I will show restraint! Madison asked me why I was crying... I told her that I was so happy that she was able to go potty. She immediately decided to take advantage of the situation and said " do i get a surprise"!!!! Of course the answer was YES!!!

I will email Dr. Levitt and let him know! I am sure that he will be thrilled as well! So we will continue on with NO EXLAX and 2TBL of Pectin for now!!!!

technical difficulties.....

2008-08-20T09:47:00.005-05:00

OOPPPS.....

do you ever just want to curse modern technology??? Every morning, just like clock work I walk down stairs ...right to the kitchen where my husband has already brewed coffee (bless him!). The next two things are just habit - first, the ipod Bose docking system is started up. A day without music is torture to me. Some days its kids praise music, others it's a little rock and roll... you just never know until the day begins what music is in order. After the coffee is poured and the music is pumping.... its time to check email, look at blogs and check Arbonne business stats. Now the day can begin. The kids have slowly woken up with a cartoon and it is safe to start interacting! Trust me the girls and I need our space in the morning. Jed, the "morning guy" will never totally understand this concept... he wakes up dancing and smiling, somewhat of an annoying trait to the "night girl"! However, I will never understand why someone would not want to start a project at 10 Pm in the peak of "high performance"! I get my best work done from 10-12pm and Jed works the 6-8 am shift..... we have just learned to appreciate our different time clocks!

Imagine the distress in our home last week when I came down stairs and the coffee was not ready because Jed was out of town, the Bose docking station completely stopped working and my computer would not turn on!!!! It was a rough morning to say the least!!! Of course all the warranties had just conveniently expired! So it has been a rough week without our modern day conveniences...or as i feel necessities. It is quite in the morning and the girls always laugh and plug their ears when i try to stand in and take the place of the good music we once enjoyed! Hopefully the dear UPS man will be delivering both items any day here.....

no luck....

2008-08-20T09:26:00.004-05:00

Madison has been on her new meds for almost a week now. We are not having any luck with getting things straightened out. Some days we are still having several accidents and then other days she is not going at all. We had the xray yesterday and it showed that she is still empty!! Dr. Levitt has decided to take her off of the ex-lax completely. We will stay on the 2 TBL of pectin. if she goes 2 days without stooling we have to give an enema. We just started this routine yesterday so it will be interesting to see how it goes. School starts on Friday so we are bummed that we are still at a place where there is no consistency or ability to predict what her patterns will be.

Jed and I remember a conversation with Dr. Levitt back in May when he informed us that there is a very small percentage of kids that you just can not find the correct dosage of meds for. 1 square is to high but a half is to low..... please pray that this is not the case for Madison. Pray that we are able to find the meds that will work for her. We are going back to a very strict eating schedule like we did in May just to see if that will help at all. So we will be doing no snacks at all and a very regular meal schedule. Dr. Levitt has not instructed us to do that but we are trying to do everything in our power to get her in undies as soon as possible....without having to introduce enemas.

Thank you for your continued prayers!
Nikki

great news for our sweet girl...

2008-08-15T16:13:00.004-05:00

Just wanted to update you all on the great news that we received yesterday at Madison's appointment.

Madison and I traveled to Sycamore on Wed night and stayed with Lauren and Derrick. Lauren, Madison and I left at 6 am yesterday and drove straight to Maddies appointment at 3. Madison is a great traveler and we made it with no problems at all.

Dr. Levitt was excited to see Madison and started with his normal joking the second we walked through the door. Madison LOVES him! The exam showed that her incision is doing great and there are no problems at all. My biggest concern, as I have shared with you in the past, is that Dr. Levitt would want to start the enema program as we are having NO LUCK with the potty training or getting out of diapers.

I could tell that after telling him how many accidents that she is having he was bummed because he is DETERMINED to have her in big girl undies for school....in 8 days! After really looking at everything he believes that we are over medicating Madison. The decision was made to drop down to only HALF (!!!!) of an ex-lax a day and double the pectin. He said that he is hopeful that it will slow down the colon and that she could be in undies by next Friday!!!! That was GREAT news and not at all what we expected to hear. Dr. Levitt said that he was impressed that she has been able to go from 6 squares in May all the way down to a half! We will do an x-ray on Tuesday morning and then decide if that will be where we stay with the meds. The x-ray showed yesterday that she was totally empty! So far today we have had no poo... I am hoping that she is able to empty with the lower amount of ex-lax.

After the appointment last night we went to get some fun stuff for Madison bday invites (I will take pictures once they are done!) and then to get all of her school supplies. She had so much fun! This morning we got up and drove to Akron to surprise Danielle! She was so excited! We will stay through her baby shower on Sunday and then head back to Freeport on Monday!

We will keep you updated on how we progress with the change of meds. We are hopeful that it could be our answer and that after weeks of worring about her accidents we could finally have some success.

wow....we've got a lot done!

2008-08-11T22:23:00.008-05:00

disclaimer: If you have your magnified glass out and are looking through all of the piles and stacks that are "for sale" do not be alarmed or offended if an item that you once gave or owned is in these said piles. I cleaned and cleared and asked a series of questions. If the correct answer was not given to every question the item was deemed "not able to move to greenfield". If your feeling are still hurt then go ahead and get 7000 square feet of stuff (4500 of house and at least 2500 of attic and basement!) and fit it in a 2000 square foot house! I am saving them the agony of realizing that it will not all fit!!!! If we would have kept it all there would have no room for you to come and visit. And if you still feel some kind of attachment to the items there is a good chance that you could visit Twice as Nice, Goodwill or the Crisis pregnancy Center and get it all back!!! (but then your kids will do the same thing to all of your stuff before you know it...it is a vicious cycle!)

who wouldn't want to stop and see??

room #1

Room #2...everything you see is for sale. If it is on the walls, the tables or the floor it is for sale!!

Rooms #3 & #4 not pictured!!!

Keeping the kids entertained...every dumpster needs a good cleaning!

the volunteer army... Lori, Bridget and Claire

The bathroom after scrapping and before plaster!

Grandpa & Olivia paintingJed & uncle Marc refinishing floors!The help is going crazy!!!To much work...not enough fun!!!

Ok... I am back.. not quite back to the land of the living as I am soooo tired, but back! It has been a CRAZY week! Where do I start?
We have been busy at mom and dads house with cleaning, painting, refinishing floors and holding the worlds largest moving sale ever! We did AWESOME and were very successful at moving out allot of “treasures”! Today we have been sorting and delivering: some to consignment, some to goodwill and some to the crisis pregnancy center! I feel so great to have gotten rid of so much! I feel so free!
Mid week we had a terrible storm pass through Freeport. The lighting was incredible and the thunder down right scary! Jed was out of town for 4 days and of course that is when the lighting and thunder come crashing in. We lost power for about 40 hours.... never a dull moment. Luckily, it was just my area here in town (you are surprised right. I am not usually in the bottom percentages!) Mom and dad had power so we just camped out!
We are slowly starting to get back into the normal routines here. School is starting in just a few short weeks. Is that possible? Madison is still really struggling with bowel recognition. Some days we will catch something when I have her sit on the potty but other then that we are always having accidents. She is no where near ready for underwear. It is very frustrating as we will be 5 weeks post-op on Thursday. Madison has her follow up appointment on Thursday in Cincinnati so the two of us will be heading out on Wednesday night. It will be along few days in the car but it will be fun to have time with her. She is a great traveler! We have made hotel reservations near a huge scrapbook store so we are planning on getting all of the stuff to make her birthday invites! She is having a very special birthday party and we need very specific items for the invites! We will also be going to get all of her school supplies! As you can imagine she is very excited about all of that as well!
Unfortunately, we think that the C-diff may be returning. The last few days I have seen some signs that alarmed me and then today some definite warning flags went up. She has been off the anti-biotics for 8 days now. Dr. Levitt has ordered a stool sample and has started her back on antibiotics as a precaution until the sample comes back. If it is negative we will just stop the meds. I had a feeling that he would treat aggressively as it is so dangerous. We will have to wait about 3 days once the sample is collected to get any answers. I am hoping that we can have those by the time we meet with him on Thursday.
I talked in length with Madison's teacher this morning. As the days tick by and we get closer to school starting my discouragement rises. I was so hopeful that things would have worked themselves out by now and that Madison would be able to be in undies and doing great. For some reason that is not where we are at. I am struggling to except that but am trying to stay positive and keep believing that none of this is a surprise to the Lord. Why Madison has to struggle so much will be a question I will have to deal with. Mrs. Hollis was great and is so understanding of all that Madison is going through. The school is willing to work with me as much as possible to make this as easy for Madison as possible. If the C-diff has returned I do not believe that enemas will even be an option right now. I talked with Miriam a little tonight and she implied that enemas would not be effective with the infection and antibiotics. Dr. Levitt has said that if by school we are no controlling her bowels that we would began the enema program for 3 months. My heart aches to think of that possibility. I will continue to trust his judgment as I feel like he has always done what was in her best interest. It is hard to weigh all of the options. The advantages of not doing enemas are that there would be no daily agony. It is so miserable to administer the enemas and so devastating for Mads. The downside of not doing them is that there is always the possibility that there could be teasing and joking that Madison is the only one that wears diapers. She has become immune to her own odor and it makes it difficult as she is not aware of an accident until I smell it. My heart breaks to think of what kids could say that would hurt or embarrass her.
So allot will be determined in the week ahead. Is there a new infection? Will she start school or will she be back in isolation? Will we start enemas? Is there still strong belief that bowel recognition is possible?
So much to take in and process. I broke down today for the first time in awhile... (Sorry Connie that you had to be there for that!) It is so hard. I try to be strong and some days I do really good, or at least do really good acting the part! Today has been hard. So we will start over tomorrow and pray for the strength to get through that day. I need to stop looking ahead as that gets to overwhelming. So here we are again, smack dab in the middle of a situation where we have to chose to have faith and believe that the Lord has an amazing plan for Madison's life, no matter how difficult.
Thanks so much for your continued prayers!! we all need them!
I will keep you posted!
Nikki

o my gosh I am tierd!!!

2008-08-08T21:36:00.003-05:00

it is good to look at these to remind me of why we are working so hard!!
isn't beautiful!!! I am so happy for my parents!!

the walkout basement....

the secert garden

ok...since I last blogged my parents looked at a house, bought it and have had the biggest moving sale you have ever seen!! I think that I have logged about 60 hours since Sunday (seriously!!) and we have made unbelievable strides in the right direction.

We may be a little crazy! We are fixing their house, packing and holding the sale all at the same time. I have some great pictures of what all is going on! i will add those tomorrow when I get a hold of my moms camera! the new house is absolutely georgeous!

I wanted to update you all so that you did not think that we had all been abducted! I will do a longer entery later....my eyes are about to close and I have to be back on "money duty" at the sale at 8am!

a sad day....

2008-08-02T20:57:00.004-05:00

taking down the crib

Mommy pouting that I have no more babies!

The nursery is now the playroom!!

daddy takes a breather after disassembling the crib

Olivia approves of the playroom

Piles of stuff to pitch or take to the attic!

more piles!

The garage...starting to overflow!

I am so sad.... there are officially no more babies in the house. We packed up the crib after 6 years of it being a part of the family. I am in no way saying that it will not come back out at some point but it was hard to see it get taken down and brought to the attic. I am way to sentimental! the nursery is now the playroom and Maddie and Olivia are sharing a "big girl room". I will add pictures of their room when I get it all done!!

We continue on the journey of getting rid of stuff. The garage is OVERFLOWING with stuff to sell. Part of me just wants to take it all right to goodwill.... My sisters have convinced me that they need to go through it, so I will continue on!! It feels so good to get it all out! I do not remember the last time that we had empty shelves and drawers! WoooHoooo!

I will keep you informed on the purge!!

Nikki

getting rid of stuff.....

2008-07-31T21:01:00.006-05:00

oh to have the imagination of a child!

We have been busy (in a isolated way) since being home. I came home with a new sense of urgency to GET RID of STUFF. I think that being away for 3 weeks and living just fine on what was in our little suitcases, well maybe medium sized (!), made me realize that all the extra is not necessary! So we came home and I began tackling! What else is a girl to do when her child is in isolation and she can not leave her house?? I have started stacking the garage full of things that I have been holding onto for years! I am purging every closet, cabinet and drawer. I am having way to much fun getting rid of lots! I am so compelled to live simply.

You know a big part of it comes from that ah-ha moment when you really, I mean really, get what is most important in life. I am embarrassed to say that it took me 30 years to finally get there. As the days ticked by in the hospital I thought less and less about what was left behind. You just get in a zone where nothing matters but trying to keep those you love the most together and happy. Everything else just becomes noise if you will. You could have told me in the midst of that stay that if I did not return immediately my house would be gone along with everything in it and I would not have thought about leaving. I would not have packed up and left Madison to "save" our belongings...because nothing here has lasting value to me. ( mom I would have called you to get the scrapbooks!!) So then when I returned and there was GOBS of stuff and it almost frustrated me. I start thinking about all that I want to be able to do to help others, specifically Cincinnati Children's and I feel guilty that I have so much. So we are minimizing and man does it feel good!

I will have to take some picture! You will all be so impressed with the emptiness in the closets! I still have a LONG way to go but everyday I am doing one thing to move me in the right direction! I may need to take stock in Tupperware, I am loving stackable bins and organization...maybe they would donate a portion of all of my purchases to CCH!!!!

As for Sweet Maddie Grace... since that is probably why you stopped by! She is doing good. Her bottom is getting a little better everyday! I have been emailing with Dr. Levitt and am encouraged as he tells us not to be discouraged by all of the accidents. He said because of the "extreme bowel prep" that they did before surgery and what was done during surgery that her colon and has been traumatized.... I could have told you that from seeing the pictures! He says that he really believes that she will get that sensation back in the next few weeks. We are praying that is exactly what happens!!!! We have added the pectin back in which totally bummed her out as that is a nasty tasting one that we mix with yogurt. I am thinking that the reason for that is to bulk up the stool to give her a better chance to feel the need to go potty. We will see how that goes! She finishes her anti biotic for the c-diff tomorrow and then will be retested in a week to make sure that she is free and clear!

Thank you so much to all of you who continue to show us so much support! We so appreciate it!

Nikki

magic butt cream....

2008-07-29T12:05:00.002-05:00

Here it is... This is the "medical name" for the new prescription that we picked up today! The girls think that it is so funny!! They just keep giggling and laughing! I am not sure if it is Dr. Levitt's secret formula or what... the pharmacy called and said they had to order some dry ingredients to mix us a special cream that was called in!?

We will see how it works!!! Fingers are crossed!

2008-07-28T17:33:00.000-05:00

Bad news and good news:
Bad news first....
Booty rash is still flaring its ugly face.... she is miserable. Had to call Cincinnati today to get some different medicine as it is getting so bad that she can hardly function. She does not want to sit or walk and cries about how bad it hurts all day. Every diaper change is a fight. We have resorted to a bath after every dirty diaper....she has had about 20 baths in 48 hours! Today she started to scream when the water would hit the sores.... I am not sure what else to do.
The nurse in Cincinnati said that because her colon is moving faster now as there is less “road to travel” the body does not get rid of enough of a bio-salt ( I am not sure that is the correct name...some sort of salt though.) The salt reeks havoc on the booty..... and the cycle begins.
So in a nut shell the bad news is that Madison HAS a real pain in her butt!
Good news....
Because Madison is so miserable I am trying to “catch” as many poops on the potty as possible to avoid having it in her diaper. I have had her sit on the pot 3 different times for about 5 minutes today. Each time she pooped!!! I am still not sure that she is feeling it. But as long I can get her to sit and she can relax we are having luck, at least for today! We will consider this a step in the right direction. We all needed a little encouragement.
Last night was hard. I have not seen Jed cry since they wheeled Maddie away for surgery, until last night. Madison had a breakdown about how its all not fair...Jed was telling me that she had said that she is the only one in her family that gets sick, the only one in her family that wears diapers and then he began to get choked up as he said that she said... 5 years old are not supposed to wear diapers dad. So there we sat in the dark on the deck crying..... I guess those times will come on occasion. We are thankful for the small victories today. Thank you Lord for giving us a glimpse of hope in a time that it was desperately needed.

starfield.....

2008-07-28T17:31:00.001-05:00

Madison went with Jed a little less then a year ago to her first concert! Starfield was playing at Park Hills church. Madison LOVED it. I will go as far as to say that she had her first crush. She came home with an autographed picture of all of the band. I had to have it laminated because it went everywhere with us! A few days after the concert she came into my room early in the morning. I was sound asleep. She woke me up and said “ mom how do you spell marry me?” I looked over and I saw that she had copied one of the guys names and was writing him a letter. She has good taste, he was the cutest one! I asked what she was doing as she ran off giggling!
You can only imagine the excitement when she saw this years summerwood schedule and there was Starfield!!! We marked all of the calendars in the house and COMMITTED to be there. Then we learned about her surgery..... several times she told doctors that she had to be home for the concert. We started to get worried towards the end of the stay that we would not make it back.
We got home with 48 hours to spare! The Smith family was at the concert. Madison was in heaven... She listened and sang! She smiled for 2 hours straight! Olivia was not so entertained.... at one point she looked at me and yelled, literally, as it was soooo loud in there, “do you want to play I spy with my little eye?”. I laughed and told here we would have to wait until after the music stopped.
When the concert was over we made a b-line for the merchandise table. Madison asked for the poster and I convinced her that she needed the whole set...cd, t-shirt and poster! Give me a break.... you would do the same thing if your child just went through all that she has....
We waited in line for the autographs and she was so excited.... she was bouncing all over the place. When we got up to the table they asked if she liked the concert. She replied with a very quick YES! When they asked what her name was she responded with a little bit of annoyance in her voice .... “Madison, but you already know me from the first concert”.! I died... they looked at me for a little back up. I quickly said.... yeah at park Hills in Freeport last year. To that they responded, O yeah...how are you Madison!!!!
Jed and I died! As we were walking to the car she said “ I need to add them to my birthday party list. I want them to sing at my party”. I told her that we would get daddy right on that!!!

where did it go????

2008-07-28T17:15:00.002-05:00

I have to share this funny story that happened while we were at the RMH. Madison was discharged a week ago today. We were instructed that she needed to be given her Flagyl for the c-diff every 6 hours no matter when it falls. You can imagine her enthusiasm when we would wake her up in the middle of the night to stick a syringe in her mouth. On Monday it was hot and stormy. We all crawled into the same full size bed because we were so excited to be together! As Jed and Maddie faded off into a deep sleep I listened to the nasty storm brewing outside. The deeper they slept the more the storm flared its anger.... I was a little annoyed to because I could not sleep. At about 1AM the power went off.....pitch black but more importantly ....NO FAN. Now I was really annoyed. Jed and Maddie were not bothered a bit. I laid in bed listening to all the kids in the hallways crying, parents trying to help kids calm down. After 3 hours of this Jed's cell phone alarm clock went off. The only person that budged was me.... I used the cell phone light to stumble to the refrigerator and get out the meds... I filled the syringe as best as I could tell to 5.6 mil and began to try and “administer” the drugs. Madison began kicking and screaming so I just laid across her arms and legs and shot it in her mouth. We had done this the few nights before and she never remembered in the morning. I hated being so mean but found slight peace in knowing that she would not remember. She rolled over and went right back to bed.
The next morning we all woke up to get ready to head to the hospital by 7 AM. After a few minutes of being awake Madison made a large gasp... I went right to her and could see the confusion in her eyes. She looked at me with her tongue sticking straight through a gapping hole in her mouth.... “where did my tooth go?”. I was in shock.....last night it was there. We had mentioned that it was getting loose. I looked through the bed, no tooth. On the floor, no tooth...... Then I looked on the counter and all of the pieces came together. A bloody syringe lay on the counter. Crime solved: aggressive mother knocks child's tooth out while administering drugs in the middle of a power outage...... I was in shock!
Later that morning we were sitting in Dr. Levitt office. I jokingly asked if he could see a missing tooth in her belly. He pulled out the x-ray and there it was....plain as day! So the following pictures are of the tooth INSIDE Madison as well as the note that Dr. Levitt wrote for the tooth fairy!

how do you say thank you enough...

2008-07-25T16:31:00.002-05:00

I am so thankful for all of the dear family and friends that the Lord has blessed us with.
Here are just a few ways that you have all blessed our family.
*My mom and friend that spot cleaned our house
*The family that loaded our house with groceries and had a breakfast casserole waiting
*The dear woman that brought a dinner, waiting in the fridge last night with gifts for the kids and a basket of snacks
*The many many that have sent cards and gifts to the hospital for Madison and Jed and I
*Those that felt led to give us cash to help offset the costs that are coming our way
*The flowers that were given and placed in every single room of our house waiting our arrival
*The yard that was mowed
*The “dog sitters”!
* The plant waterer's
*The sister that became a 2nd mom for weeks on end to our sweet Olivia
*The relatives that travel hours out of their way to support us during surgery
*The surprise visits from pastors and friends
*The calls to encourage us during our stay
*The support through comments on the blog
*And all of the others that I am forgetting......
Thank you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

We are back!!!

2008-07-25T16:14:00.003-05:00

Our sweet girl!

Home Sweet Home!!
It is so good to be in our normal environment again! We had a good trip home yesterday. It is a long drive from Danielle and Ted's house but we did it!! We made allot of stops.... Olivia drank a few to many juice boxes and Madison's meds kicked into high gear!

We are thrilled that Madison is having some success with emptying her bowels. She claims that she is not having any sensation at all which is still a little disappointing. We had some blow outs yesterday and it is hard to believe that one would “not feel that”. We totally believe her though as that has been the case in the past. We will give it time and see if we progress in the right direction.

Madison is such a trooper.... It has been hard the last few days when she has made different comments about “her condition”. Yesterday morning I had laid both of the girls clothes out on the couch for them to get dressed. Madison looked at the pile and got teary and said... “It is not fair that Olivia has undies and I have a diaper, you told me that my surgery would fix me.” The only response that I could think of quickly was (sorry to all you men that are reading!) “you know mommy wore diapers too after I was in the hospital when you were born. Most people who go to the hospital have to wear diapers for a little while until they get better” She gave me a funny look and then said “ its not fair!”. So today she is in big girl undies.... she asked if she could try and I did not have the heart to say no. What is a little extra laundry right! The other thing that has been difficult is all of the meds that she is still on. The Flagyl for the C-diff, which taste NASTY and the daily ex-lax. I was giving her the meds yesterday and she again said “ you told me the surgery would make me not need medicine” It has been hard to know what to say... You know before the surgery we were trying to help her understand it all. What do you say to your five year old that through tears before getting an enema says “ why did God make me different?” GULP. I called my mom sobbing..... How do you even answer that? A sweet little girl that would come home from school and cry because “the teacher uses gloves when she changed me, will she get sick from changing me?” You do your best to explain... on a level that makes sense. And then you get to the place that we are now. Broken promises. I have tried to explain that sometimes things get worse before they get better. That Dr. Levitt still believes that she will be totally “normal”, to one degree or another in the months to come. But I can not make promises anymore. So for now we say... “Isn't it great that you only take one ex-lax instead of 5, or lets wear the big girl undies and see how we do. “ We are focusing on the small victories and trying to help her understand that all of this suffering that she has experienced is leading to the place that she hopes to be, in big girl undies and with no meds. And then I pray, asking, maybe even begging God to please make that all true! Please God make her feel “normal”.

She is resilient and her attitude so sweet. Last night she was miserable when I was trying to change her. The girl has a burn so fierce on her booty that it kills to change her. So we were upstairs, tears where flowing and I was trying to tell her that it would not hurt!!?? ( that probably falls under the broken promises category... I am still learning!) She looked at me and said “ you do not know what my body feels like”........... Ok, so you got me there. She finally allowed me to clean her up. Don and Jody Sullins had snuck in and were in the kitchen making a breakfast casserole for us. Madison really wanted to see them. We finished upstairs, I held her as she whimpered. We came down stairs and through the tear stained face she glowed! She told of pranks that she played on me in the hospital, funny tooth stories, bad memories and she just lite up! That sweet child has the strength of a champion!

She will make it, we all will – no matter what road we have to take to get to the final destination.
So today we will just reconnect with life... life as we once knew it 25 days ago! We are all in pj's. The girls are making a fort out of boxes in the living room. Jed is putting out fires in his office... making calls and returning emails. I am cherishing my time at the window seat, drinking coffee and reflecting on the last chapter of our lives. I need to journey next. Put some of the raw emotion on paper so that one day I can look back and see how God put all of the pieces together.

A pastor once told me the following story in another very difficult season of life after having our miscarriage. He asked me to think about my life as a beautiful cross stitch in the making, reminding me that I can only see the “project” from an earthly perspective. A view that is looking up on the underneath of the final masterpiece. You know what the bottom of a cross stitch looks like, especially if I am the artist... underneath there are loose strings, knots and sometimes awful messes..... But God is looking on the final piece from the top, where the beauty is, where the messy bottom creates a beautiful finished project. I will not see the “topside” until eternity when I can see my whole life, all of the pieces together. I know that is true for Madison too. One day she will see the masterpiece and will understand why all of these loose strings and knots happened. How it shaped her into the final masterpiece that God intended.

You know I have so much to be thankful for. I am most thankful for the day to day craziness that happens in all homes with kids! I have started doing dishes, cleaning up toys, laundry and breaking up fights(!) after several weeks of not doing so. It at times seems like a pain, but for now, I will consider it a blessing. I have 2 kids that are here with me, an amazing husband, great friends and a beautiful home. I will hold on to this and be thankful for life just the way that it is. I know that the outcome could be different. The Lord protected Madison time and time again. The more I read about her infection the more thankful I am that she is ok. It is a serious matter and many times the outcome can be grim..... I am thankful.

Tuesday morning as I was checking out at the Ronald McDonald House their phone rang. It was a social worker from the hospital. She was calling to ask them to take a certain family off of the waiting list for housing. I heard the woman in front of me say that she was sorry. When she hung up the phone she turned a few pages in her binder and wrote across the top of a page “ social worker called to remove name from the list. Child died last night 7/21/09.” We looked at each other, not sure what to say. She just whispered...”this is the hardest part about this job”. I paid my money and cried the whole way to the car. Never, ever will I forget that there are people that would trade places with me in a nanosecond. Why did it not go the way that it is supposed to for that dear family. They left with an empty car seat, with empty arms and worse yet hearts that must hurt....physically ache from being so empty. Thank you God for giving us a different outcome.

Updates....

2008-07-22T16:25:00.004-05:00

The hospital that we love....
The Doctor we adore!
getting a ticket out of here!
Thanks Ronald McDonald House!!!

crashed at Ted and Danielle's....trying to recover!

Ok.... After blogging several times a day I feel like I am behind! Here is what has happened:

left the hospital last night and took Maddie out for a fun dinner at Max & Ermas. She had a good time but has really no appetite. Maybe ate a quarter of a grilled cheese.... hopefully that will get better as she starts to feel more like herself. Got back to the RMH and let her play in the garden and play yard. It is absolutely beautiful. On of the local landscapers in Cincinnati takes care of it for the house. probably one of the most relaxing play yards i have even been in! What a great break for all of us!

Went to bed at 9! We were all exhausted! Took about a minute before I heard 2 others snoring!! Had a HUGE storm come through and the power went off for 4 hours! I was restless but thankful that Maddie and Jed both slept well.

Got up early this morning so that we could be at the hospital at 7 to get Madison's x-ray before the appointment with Levitt. Had a really good meeting with Dr. Levitt. What an amazing man! He gave us the run down on what is ahead. Said that her xray looked really good. We were kinda surprised as she does not seem to be going as much as we had expected.....suppose that it could just be that she is not eating a ton. Dr. Levitt said that he would like to see her taking no more than half a square of the ex-lax by the end of the month. We were thrilled to hear that. Talked at length about the C Diff. He said that the common denominator in the patients that get it is a slow moving colon.... obviously Mads fits in that category. It is still contagious so we will need to take allot of precautions so that it does not get passed around. they gave us some good tips, so we will take all of those very seriously. We have been instructed that if she begins vomiting or has a fever over 100.5 that she needs to go right to the hospital. We have been informed just how serious this infection is and that the consequences of not keeping it under control can be very extreme. In cases that it can not be controlled, the infected colon is removed. PLEASE pray that these anti-biotic work!!

We arrived at Danielle and Teds this afternoon about 3. We surprised Olivia! She was sooooo excited! Madison has been sleeping for about an hour and will hopefully get caught up a little. She feels warm so we are keeping close tabs on her temp. she is holding right at 99 but is sweating like a pickle..... not sure what that is all about. I am sure that i am a little jumpy after being given all of the risks.

Madison and I will be back in 3 weeks for an exam with Dr. Levitt. That will hopefully be the end of the road for her. Dr. Levitt was so sweet today and said that he was sad that our journey with him was coming to an end. We have really bonded. I am sure that he can see the gratitude that we feel for him and how he has changed our lives. I wish that we could pack him up and bring him with us. I gave him a big hug and thanked him again as we were leaving.... I was looking for the word to express my appreciation for what he has done for us. What do you say to a man that has changed the quality of your child's life forever???? I felt the tears coming so I did not say much....

We plan on crashing her tonight and tomorrow just to make sure that everything is ok with Mads before heading home on Thursday.

Please continue to pray for Madison's full recovery. Her biggest pain right now is related to and awful rash/burn on her bottom from the anti-biotic. We just picked up her prescription for that...hopefully she will get some quick relief.

thank you all for the support these last few weeks..... It has been such a blessing! We will continue to update the blog as we settle back into life at home and get Madison back to full swing!

Nikki

heading to the RMH TOGETHER!

2008-07-21T14:15:00.003-05:00

Just talked with Dr. Pena. We have been released from the hospital. We will see Dr. Levitt tomorrow AM at 8 and have another x-ray. They have put her on the oral form of flagyl and she will continue that for 14 days. We also have been put on 1.5 squares of ex-lax because she has not had a BM since Saturday.

We will see how it all goes tomorrow and go from there. We are very anxious to get out of here! It has been 3 weeks since we left home. Hopefully we will get the "all clear" tomorrow and can head on our journey home. We miss Olivia like crazy and can not wait to get her!

We will try to keep you posted as things change. We are not sure what the internet connection is at RMH.

Thank you soooooo much for all of your prayers these last few weeks. They have been extremely difficult. It is good to be on this side if the mountain! Hopefully the days ahead will be easy!

love you all!

Nikki

talked with Dr Pena

2008-07-20T17:31:00.003-05:00

Passing time playing "smack the balloon"!!

"I don't want to eat and I don't want you to take my picture"

Talked with Dr. Pena. He said that he is going to be very cautious with her as c-diff is a "very serious and dangerous" bacteria. His concern with her is that she is emptying her colon completely so that the bacteria is being eliminated. That is trickier for us then others as we are not yet sure what it will take to have her empty. They are letting her eat and she is actually hungry and has had 3 meals today. She is not real interested in drinking so they turned off her IV to see if that would encourage her. We will take an xray in the morning to see what it looks like inside.

Jed has as we would say at home "ants in his pants". i sent him away to the movie theater to see the new batman movie. I could tell that he was going crazy! Hopefully that will get it out of his system and he will come back tomorrow minus the ADD!!

Mads and I are going to have a pajama party. The new High School Music talent show starts tonight so we will snuggle in together and watch that.

It has been good to have so much quality time with her....one of the few perks in all of this!

We will let you know what x-ray shows tomorrow!

Nikki

not a whole lot of new news...

2008-07-20T10:48:00.005-05:00

Thankful today for my beautiful family!

So here we sit waiting for answers and trying to keep Madison entertained. They allowed Madison to eat this morning. She had a bowl of cereal. She seems to be doing well. They took an x-ray about and hour ago so we are waiting to hear how that looks. I am not sure if we will see a doctor today since it is Sunday. I am thankful that Dr. Levitt returns tomorrow. The resident told us that she has been emailing him to keep him current on her conditions so that is good.

I need to stop reading about c-diff. The internet is a blessing, however, sometimes it gets you all anxious. I am thankful that we were able to spot this bacteria early on as it looks like it can be extremely serious. Hopefully they have it under control with the new anti-biotic and that she is on her way to recovery. I had heard today that they will re-culture and make sure that it is under control before releasing her. If that is true we still have several days here at the Cincinnati Children's Resort! (another nurse just told me that it could definitely be another week or so.... UUUGGGHHH)

I received the sweetest email from my cousin Sonya today. I am so impressed with her unbelievable maturity. Sonya is going to be a Sophomore at the UW this fall. These are the words that she wrote: (hope you do not mind that I shared Sonya... it was just so great and made me cry!)

"I was at a Beth Moore conference in Minneapolis this weekend with my mom and some ladies from our church. I don't know how familiar you are with Beth Moore, but she writes some amazing bible studies and books geared towards women. So needless to say it was an incredible weekend.

Her main focus of the weekend was "Life between a Rock and a Hard Place". Over and over, I couldn't help but think of you guys and the struggles you are enduring. One of the main sections we kept coming back to was Hebrews 12: 5-13. I specifically thought that these verses might give you some encouragement.

Hebrews 12: 11-13 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.Make level paths for your feet,so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

I just thought that was powerful to be able to have hope and look forward to the "Later On", the other side of this mountain. The point where a harvest of righteousness and peace awaits your amazing family!"

It was so encouraging to read her email this morning. I slept at the RMH last night and woke up this morning with a lot on my mind. I think that God has really been "strengthening my feeble arms and weak knees" these last months. I have been very humbled these last few weeks in particularly. How is it that we get so caught up in things that are not important. I remember feeling this way several times after a missions trip overseas. You come back though and you some how go..."but that is there, we live in America". So I think what has really affected me this time is being here in America and seeing all the hurt. Being made aware of all that I have even in the roughest season of my life.

I have seen woman so rail thin, unable to eat because of the dispare that they are feeling by having a child that may not ever go home again. And I agonize over being 20 pounds overweight.... To be so caught up in how "bad" your child is and then walk into the RMH and see a child that will never eat, talk or walk again. To hear conversations of heart transplants, cancer and death. How can you ask why? We have struggles, no doubt- but, man o man could it be worse. To look out your window and see some of the roughest neighborhoods probably in the country, people with no hope and addictions that paralyze them. To walk through the business sections of the hospital and see signs for "financial counseling". To know that there are parents who had to chose between losing a job, or staying with their child. People with out insurance that will lose everything they had, on top of having a child that is sick.

So we will move on. Thankful at every turn, even when headed in directions that we would rather not go, because we are blessed. Confident that God is getting ready to produce a harvest of righteousness and peace for our family. And you know... I am thankful for the journey, no matter how painful. I have learned lessons that never would have been learned in the comfort of my home with healthy children.

Be careful dear friends when you pray for God to teach you patience and humility. Sometimes we only can learn when placed in the fire.

here is what we have.... c-dif

2008-07-19T16:35:00.000-05:00

so...we remain in isolation!!

Clostridium difficile
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Clostridium difficile

C. difficile colonies on a blood agar plate.
Scientific classification
Kingdom:
Bacteria
Phylum:
Firmicutes
Class:
Clostridia
Order:
Clostridiales
Family:
Clostridiaceae
Genus:
Clostridium
Species:
C. difficile
Binomial name
Clostridium difficileHall & O'Toole, 1935
Clostridium difficile (pronounced /klɒsˈtrɪdiəm dɪˈfɪsɪli/, also known as CDF/cdf', or 'C. diff') is a species of bacteria of the genus Clostridium which are Gram-positive, anaerobic, spore-forming rods (bacillus).[1] C. difficile is the most significant cause of pseudomembranous colitis,[2] a severe infection of the colon, often after normal gut flora is eradicated by the use of antibiotics. Treatment is performed by stopping any antibiotics and commencing specific anticlostridial antibiotics, e.g. metronidazole.

some answers....

2008-07-19T16:00:00.004-05:00

Just saw Dr. Pena. One of the test did come back and it was positive for the bacteria. We will continue to do the intravenous antibiotics and take it very slow. She will get another x-ray in the morning. She did get a low grade fever again today. Interestingly enough it was about half hour after she had something in her system (sprite) for the first time in 24 hours. It will be very interesting to see how things go as we start to introduce foods back in at some point.

Jed is at the RMH doing a little bit of laundry and resting. He is going stir crazy here. It is much harder since we can not leave the room. The days went much faster before when we could wonder around and use the playroom.

If Maddie stays the same the rest of the evening I am going to head over and sleep at the RMH tonight. We will give you info as we receive it.

todays update...

2008-07-19T08:52:00.002-05:00

Mads had a good night sleep last night. Slept from about 9 until 6. Had an xray done this morning and they say that it looks pretty good. some gas still in there. Dr. Pena said that he does not want to start food again yet. Today she will do clear liquids and see how that goes. They expect the stool sample results tonight or tomorrow morning. The resident said that what they are looking for is a bacteria that is a result of the antibiotics that she was on after surgery. Something about your good flora being messed up.

We are assuming that we will be staying at this fine home away from home several more days. If there is no food today then hopefully that will happen tomorrow. I am confident that they will not let her go within 24 hours of eating as they will want to make sure that everything is working. The resident said as she left " see you on Monday". I almost cried!!! Do you think that 5/3rd bank will give us a reduced mortgage this month since we have not been home???!!! The days go much slower with the isolation because we can not go to the playroom or do anything fun. Child life has been good about bringing crafts and games to the room. Trying to keep all of us from going stir crazy!

Madison seems pretty comfortable. She is still not interested in drinking anything. I am wondering if she is fearful that she will get sick. She has only complained about belly pain a few times today. We will keep you posted as we get any new info.

Thanks for the prayers,
nikki

not much news....

2008-07-18T20:25:00.002-05:00

All that we have heard back is that her blood showed an elevated white blood count. Something they would expect with a viral infection. They are most concerned about what the stool sample shows as that, I believe, would let them know if the infection is in her colon. they said that will take a few days to get back. They started antibiotics this morning as a precaution. She has had nothing to drink or eat all day...totally not interested. Thank God that she was able to just start IV fluids back up. the PICC line has been such a blessing. Not one poke today even with all the blood draws and restarting fluids.

I slept for a few solid hours at the RMH. Funny how you forget what good solid sleep is until you experience it again! I am hoping that will give my body the boost that it needed. Madison fell sound asleep about an hour ago. Hopefully she sleeps through the night and the fever does not come back. We will repeat x-ray in the morning and then determine if they will try her again on food to see how she does.

We have had constant soiling today which is a little of a disappointment. She has said that she has no idea that she is going 5 of the 6 times. I have always just "found it" on routine checks. Maybe it is just because of the laxative they gave yesterday. This would be a hard way to function the next month or so. Dr. Levitt did warn us about this possibility so we will just continue to take it day by day and see where we end up. Maybe now with the antibiotics, sickness, ect. we are not getting an accurate read.

Thanks for your continued prayers.... sorry to keep you on your knees so much! We are anxious to give you all a break! We will keep you updated as we get info.

So thankful that The Lord allowed all of this to happen while still here and in the best care possible.

Trusting that the Lord is taking care of our sweet baby even when we feel we are helpless is what is getting me through. I have been thankful for the overwhelming sense of peace that I have had through this whole stay. maybe all of the other trauma and hospital stays these last years were also to get me to a place that I could be here, hundreds of miles from home, without family and still somehow survive. This blog has been good therapy for me as it has allowed me to voice and share concerns that otherwise would all be welled up inside. Hope that I have not over shared and that you are all ok with all the info and detail that I am blogging.

I told my dad today when he asked how I was doing that I will probably fall apart when we get back home, be prepared.... hibernation may be in order!

I also wanted to add that I can sense the helplessness in the voices of our parents and close friends when we speak. I think if I know my dad like I think I do the thought crossed his mind today to get in the car and drive. Am I right dad? Please know that we ARE OK. We are holding it together. I am not sure how, but we are. We have been blessed by the comments and emials and the OVERWHELMING show of support that you all have offered.

I am most thankful for Jed. He has been so great and so supportive these last few weeks. He is a very compassionate dad and husband and he has been what has gotten me through. I am soooo thankful that his amazing boss, Steve Banas, has been so understanding and has made it possible for Jed to be here and present with me and Madison without guilt. I guarantee that this will make me a more supportive wife when he needs to put in the long and grueling hours in the months to come.

enough babbling... I must be tired.
nikki

tick, tick, tick

2008-07-18T15:37:00.003-05:00

just waiting for answers. we did a blood, stool and urine sample. they have moved her to isolation status until we get it all figured out. Talked with Dr. Pena. He is thinking that it could be something with bacteria levels in her colon. They have put her back on a clear liquid diet only again. Her fever is down with the Tylenol. Hopefully it will stay that way. She is sittng in bed painting right now, a huge improvement from earlier.

Please continue to pray. I am exhausted today. I think that the adrenaline is down and the body could not handle one more big turn of events. Mentally I was thinking we were done with the hard stuff. I am heading to the RMH to try and sleep for a few hours.

Dr.s just came back in..

2008-07-18T09:48:00.002-05:00

so we are definitely not going home. They are drawing blood and starting the IV back up. The xray looks pretty good. They think that they may need to insert a tube to release some air that seems to be blocked in her sigmoid( the small amount of the bottom part of the colon that is left). Poor girl.... Pray that it is nothing major. The Dr agrees that she feels allot hotter then her temp is showing.

good news, bad news.

2008-07-18T09:22:00.002-05:00

Last night we went to bed at about 9. Madison was exhausted and had no problems falling asleep. We had a tiny bit of stool right before bed but nothing to impressive.

At about 2AM Madison woke me up and said that she was hot. I went over to help her get some water and she was burning up and I could feel that her heart was racing. Her heart rate was about 170, but her fever was only 101....she felt much hotter. They did not give her anything because they wanted to make sure that she was not working on spiking a serious fever. She did fall back asleep but was restless all night. Her heart rate stayed pretty high but she never got a higher fever.

At 6AM she woke me up and she was crying that her belly hurt and she needed to go potty. YEAH... what a great sign that she felt the urge to poo!!! I got her on the potty and she had great success but was miserable and crying that her tummy "hurt so bad". We were thinking that maybe she was just experiencing some pain from the "guts" starting back up. She continued to cry about being hot and her tummy until she drifted off to sleep about 8. At 9 they took her for x-ray and I could tell that she was just miserable. She stared throwing up when we got down to radiology and was shaking like a leaf.

She is in bed now....we are waiting for the x-ray results. I am confident that she will be empty. I am just praying that there is no other problem going on internally. They are saying that we will need to start IV fluids again her in the next hour if she does not turn the corner. Obviously she does not want food...... so here we sit..... waiting and hoping. Poor baby, I just want her to be all done with the yuckiness!

I am sooooo thankful that she went potty on her own to day and that she had the sensation. Something that we did not know would even be possible. I think that is a great sign for her recovery in the next few months. We will try to lower laxative dosages as we continue to have success to see if we get the same results with no meds.

On a funny note: Jed stayed at the RMH last night. This morning I called him at about 8 to let him know that it had been a rough night and that she was not feeling well. He said that he would need to call me back because the firemen had just knocked on his door... I could hear commission in the background. Turns out that this morning the neighborhood lost power. I heard the fan in our room stop for a nanosecond before the generator came on so I was not aware of the situation. Jed woke up when the power went off at RMH and decided that he would just take a shower in the dark so that he could get over here. He left the bathroom door open to try and get some light from outside. Well..... the steam from the shower triggered the fire alarms for the whole house. So there he is in the shower, no lights, fire alarm blaring, knocks on the door. The whole house was in a tissy. They said that they think it had more to do with a wiring issue then steam. the were so apologetic. Never a dull moment!

the road ahead...

2008-07-17T11:54:00.005-05:00

Restless Natives...

we have taken up shooting over superheros as a way to pass time.

so where do we go from here? Dr. Levitt has expressed to us that he really feels like Madison will get full bowel control in the near future but, how do we get to that point? here is the plan as best I understand it.

When we leave this next week she will be in one of 3 categories:
1- stooling on her own with no meds
2- stooling with the help of laxatives if she is still prone to constipation
3- stooling but on meds to help her not have diarrhea

Dr. Levitt said that there is a good chance that she will go from being constipated in her past to now more prone to diarrhea. A very common problem after having a portion of your intestines removed. He believes that if that is the case it will fix itself in the next month or so once the body figures out how to function in it's "new state".

His plan is to give the bowels about a month to try and figure things out, or as he says, hit the home run. His idea of a home run would be to have her emptying her colon everyday with no accidents and in big girl undies. If we can not get to that point within 4 weeks he will take her off of all meds (either laxatives or bulking) for 3 months and start daily enemas. the reason for this is to make sure that we are giving the colon time to heal. He feels that if the "homerun" is not achieved within that time frame it is a sign that the colon is not ready yet and we need to give it more time off. The purpose of the daily enemas is to manually make sure that she is completely empty each day so that the colon does not get impacted again. It will allow us to have her in underwear with no accidents as she will only stool immediately following the enemas.

After 3 months of doing daily enemas, if that is the route that we need to go, we will try again without enemas and see if the colon is ready. This will repeat until we get the results that we need. If after a few trials with the enemas her bowels do not respond we will need to come back and have another surgery called the Malone or ACE done. That is where they would take her appendix and attach it to the belly button making a stint. We would then daily administer an enema through that port as opposed to through the rectum. As you can imagine that is a much better option then giving them rectally everyday especially as she ages. This would then be the solution for the rest of her life. It basically is a way to avoid a colostomy bag and keep her completely clean and in underwear.

We are praying that in the next few weeks we will find that we do not need any meds to regulate her and that the new health colon will just do its job. Jed and I always get nervous as Madison for some reason always seems to make her way into the smallest percentages when we are give the statistics. Please pray with us that all works out so that we do not have to do lots of meds or enemas.

When talking about the surgery with Madison in the weeks before we got here we tried to explain the reason for doing the surgery. The reason was that we did not want her to be on so much medicine and we did not want to have to give her any more enemas. As you can imagine, the thought of having to do any of those things once we are now past the surgery would be very difficult on her as that is "not what she signed up for".

We will pray earnestly and wait and see. Again, we know that nothing that has happened or that is going to happen will take the Lord by surprise. Therefore, we will trust and believe that whatever happens, no matter how hard or difficult to accept, is in His plans for Madison's sweet life.

Still no evidence of the food moving through, if you know what I mean! We will keep you posted!

Nikki

She is eating!!!!

2008-07-17T09:48:00.003-05:00

Madison's first bites of food in 10 days!

WOOHOO!!! Madison's xray looked good this morning so they are letting her eat. No restrictions. She chose pancakes, scrambled eggs, a pop tart and milk! She is LOVING it! They said that they will be giving her an ex-lax square this afternoon just to make sure that nothing stays in her colon. There is some talk that she may be able to be discharged tomorrow if everything goes perfect. They need to check her on x-ray tomorrow to see how she is moving the food. They still want us here most of next week to make sure that we can perfectly regulate her colon before we go home. Jed and I are able to get into the Ronald McDonald House today. They called and said that they have one very small room with a full size bed. We will check in today at least and use it over night so that we do not have to share the sofa bed. If Madison is released tomorrow we may not all fit in the RMH so we will see what our other options are. If they are willing to let us be on our own until Monday AM we may try to head to Akron to get Olivia and spend the weekend with Ted and Danielle in a HOUSE!! We would then be able to bring Olivia back with us to Cincinnati so that when we get the OK we could leave straight from here to Freeport. If we are not allowed to leave we will take Danielle and Ted up on their offer to keep Olivia (sniffle....) until we leave for Freeport. What a blessing it has been to have her somewhere that we know she is being so well taken care of (spoiled) and loved (spoiled!).

thank god she is a warrior...

2008-07-16T16:14:00.006-05:00

madison picked this in the toy box after winning bingo!

Talked with Dr. Levitt. They have decided to take her off of her TPN & Lipids as she is not really interested in the offer to have clear liquids today. They will pull the "food line" tonight and hope that she will be more interested in jello, juice and water. The x-ray will be repeated in the morning. I got the impression that Dr. Levitt and Pena are both thinking that it will be liquids again tomorrow based on today's x-ray. We will start foods when the x-ray is clear and there is no distention. The plan is that we will stay in the hospital a few days after she starts eating but that he does not want us to leave town until next week - mid to end of the week. It is frustrating as we are stir crazy but Jed and I both agree that leaving before she is ready would be crazy.

Talked a little about what the next few weeks and months will look like for Madison as we try to get to the end of this journey. I will post all of those detail when I have a second. Please continue to pray these next few days as some big milestones will need to happen in order to determine what course we will take from here. I will fill you in on all the details soon.

Pray on for this sweet girl!

Nikki